Disco Cowgirl

Jay-Z just....

2012-01-09T12:24:00.000-08:00

....released a beautfil song about his newborn daughter.

Way to make the rest of us no parents look lame and mediocre, buddy.

Here's the link if you want to hear it:

http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/hear-jay-zs-emotional-new-song-about-baby---featuring-blue-ivy-herself-201291

I texted my friend Jenn to tell her she should listen to it because.

Jenn: He sounds so soft, eh? He totally got me. Did it make you cry?
Me: No. because I don't have a heart. But it was still really sweet and made me jealous that some people are so talented. And mad that JR didn't compose a song when our daughter was born. He really dropped the ball on that one.

Sometimes it takes....

2012-01-09T12:17:00.000-08:00

a full 24 hours for buyer's remorse to set in. I bought a yesterday. A shirt which I am now wearing. And god willing, I will be able to find the tags somewhere in the depths of my garbage can at home so I can return this hot mess of a shirt tonight.

I am so sick of.....

2012-01-06T10:28:00.000-08:00

....Jessica Simpson striking this contrived pose.

Yeah, we get it. You're pregnant. Please stop cradling your belly like that.

Nobody stands that way. I know you are trying to act all casual, like you don't even notice what you are doing....FAIL.

Why can't she take a page of out Beyonce's pregnancy book and secretly give birth after only 7 days of being pregnant?

It's informal but....

2011-12-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

...I wanted to wish all of you who read my blog a very Merry Christmas! In the spirit of the season, I was going to post a photo of my 1-year old daughter from her first official holiday photo shoot. The trouble is, in said photo, she is nude. And for some reason, it just seems wrong to share nude photos of her on the Internet when she will have plenty of time during her early twenties to make those mistakes on her own. (Unless, of course, she takes after her demure and bashful mother. Anyone who knows me, would know I would never do such a thing. And, let's just say if I ever did, I would make sure these photos were flattering and taken when I was skinny and cute....moving on....)

Instead, I sent out photos of my daughter's exposed bare bottom to everyone on my Christmas card mailing list. I'm sure she will thank me for that when she is older.

Anywho.....Merry Christmas!

Hairdresser molestation....

2011-12-15T10:52:00.000-08:00

...and other awkward encounters.

Good title, huh?

Have you ever found a hairdresser that you loved so much you would put up with almost anything as long as he continued to work his magic?

Maybe my high threshold for inappropriate hairstylist behaviour stems from the fact that growing up, I had a very tumultuous relationship with my hair. And that is the only reason I can come up with for why I would have subjected myself to years of unrequited PDA's (see: middle of the day, in public, unwanted sexual groping) from Booty.

Booty (and yes, that was his real name) was a 50-something year old, 4'8 Lebanese man, with long shiny black curls, he kept tied back in a ponytail at the base of his neck. He always wore all-black. Black shoes, black dress pants, and a too tight black t-shirt. Booty wore large gold rings on both hands and also had a very long nail on his pinky finger. All the better to use for parting women's hair. And coke sniffing. But I'm not judging.

Who could judge such someone so gifted in the follicular arts?? (I just made that term up.) I had tried other stylists over the years, but Booty was the only one that could tame my tresses. It got to the point that even after I moved to Owen Sound I would book an appointment in Ottawa, when I knew I would be going home for a weekend, just so he could do my hair. Essentially I would be making a 14-hour round trip to have a permanent straightening treatment, a cut, a colour and a dash of breast grabbing thrown in for good measure.

On most visits to his salon, I would wait nervously in the front lobby. When Booty was ready for me, he would come swopping out of the back room and put his arms around me, or plant a kiss on my cheek. At first I liked it. he made me feel like a celebrity, or a supermodel. As he styled my hair, he would stop mid-blow dry to scream in English at one of his minions (the other stylists) or to bark a comman in Lebanese at the receptionist). he would then turn back to me, smile, and softly ask me something about my love life or my job. Sometimes he would stand in front of me, his face inches from mine and whisper "You are so beautiful." Sometimes he would kiss my cheek again. Sometimes he would stare into my eyes and then wink, as if we had somehow just shared a "moment". And then there were other times when he would "accidentally" grab my boob while removing the protective cape I wore during treatments. Othertimes he would push his body up against mine as he blowdried me straight. All of this I put up with because, frankly, this little Lebanese hair fairy was magical. I would smile through it all, and laugh and chucle and gently push his hands away while playfully dodging his advances. Some might call me a tease. But those of you who know the value of a good hairstylist will understand. I don't know the monetary worth of my dignity, but I was willing to pay it, in order to have pretty hair.

I finally had to break things off with Booty when he invited me, along with his 20-something year old son, to spend a week with them in Miami. I promised I would go, and we talked about how fun it would be. And then I paid my bill and left. I knew I would never be able to go back to Booty and his verbally abused employees again. A line had been crossed. The innapropriate sexual advances, the innuendo, the subtle gropings, I could all handle. But after that it just became too hard to face him.

I have tried many hair stylists and many salons since my years with Booty. My hair has never been the same either. However, the moral of this story is, what I lack in stylish hair, I now make up for in self-worth. Some days.

Things I've discovered....

2011-12-15T10:39:00.001-08:00

...about myself after returning to work after maternity leave.

1. It has taken me 9 days to re-stock a drawer in my desk with junk food (i.e. butter creme fudge & mini Rolo bites). I may still not have bothered to find myself a calculator and/or white out....but if you need a mid-afternoon snack, I'm the girl to come see.

2. I spend an equal amount of time doing actual work as I do Googling things (i.e. "Christmas punch"+recipes+alcohol), checking Facebook and reading up on celebrity gossip (all in the name of "show prep" of course).

3. Having a child kind of does something to your brain. You know when you have a bad day at work and you just wish you could quit? Well, now that I've had a baby, it sort of puts everything in perspective. I know that if I get that miserable at work, instead of stewing about it and being upset and stressed out and feeling trapped and wishing I could quit....now, if it really got that bad, I would just.....quit. But you kind of realize that really things aren't that bad. Being a parent sort of makes you realize that in the grand scheme of things, the annoying things that make your day at work, into a bad day at work, aren't really that big a deal. And while I would rather be spending my whole day at home with my baby instead of at a job, I am in an exceptionally good mood, feeling lucky I have a job where I get to share ideas, feed off other creative people, and try new things. It could be worse.

4. I'm not the only girl that pees in the staff washroom while running the tap the entire time. Hollah Daryl Morris. Co-workers do not need to be subjected to the noises resulting from the bodily functions of other co-workers. Ever.

5. I pay very little attention to what I'm wearing. I try to look nice & presentable when I arrive here at 7:45 a.m.....but usually by 8:15, I've removed any jewllery I put on that morning and my hair is being tied up in a messy bun. also, I changed into my huge winter boots at one point today so I could run some errands. That was 4 hours ago and I just realized I"ve been clomping through the station hallways all afternoon, having never bothered to change back out of them. It's not a good look.

I know....

2011-12-02T18:18:00.001-08:00

.....that I'm not getting enough sleep.

Exhibit A - the label I made for the leftovers one night before putting them in the freezer:

Now, whenever the Boy & I say "cheese sauce", we use an Italian accent and call it "CHESSA-Sauce".

I heard a news story....

2011-11-30T02:35:00.000-08:00

....about a new business in the area that was holding an open house to welcome potential clients.

Right away, I became to tremble violently, thinking of my one and only misguided and embarassing attendance at an open-house event.

My childhood best-friend and I (who I had the pleasure of reconnecting with this past summer after years and years of living in different countries and losing touch) were big animal lovers. So when I saw a poster at the local Giant Tiger advertising that a new vet clinic was opening in a neighbouring town, I just new we had to be there. In my mind I likened it to a debutantes ball. Anyone who was anyone would surely be there. It was going to be the event of the summer.

I mean, who would pass up a sweltering hot & humid mid-summer afternoon, in a new office, smelling of fresh paint, cat pee and antiseptic? Not this awkward, and misinformed, firzzy-haired, gangly 12 year old, I can assure you. And not my best friend Tina either. I convinced here that there could be some important people there, people we should know. Maybe we could even get jobs there. And if nothing else, there would be some animals on display, right? Isn't that what vet clinics were all about? The poster also advertised free coffee and snacks, but I was more in it for the possibility of getting to lay my hands on some poor creature. Nevermind the fact that we had 2 dogs and a cat of our own at home. This could lead to something big.

Imagine your 12-year old daughter walking out the door, dressed in a poor excuse for early 90's business casual (Double Whammy: pleated and baggy up top, yet still tapered at the bottom floral print, tan coloured corduroy pants, a long sleeve button up blouse, brown loafers and hoop earrings) on a summery, Sunday afternoon, happily swinging my purse, which contained nothing but a chapstick and a banana clip. Whose parents would allow this, you ask yourself? Oh, that's right. Mine.

Sidenote: Considering my fashion sense based on the above outfit, is it any wonder that the following summer my father asked me if I was gay?

I walked over to Tina's and as we admired how mature and downright rad we both looked, we waited for her dad to drive us over to the new vet office.

I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say, the open-house was not what we expected. The 2 staff were nice and didn't get angry or even really acknowledge the fact that two demented pre-teen girls in really weird clothes were hanging around the office, without any parents in sight, doing nothing in particular. I think at one point, we began to feel a bit odd and we decided to stand in a side hallway and have a lively, albeit very hushed discussion about the row of cat cages affixed to the wall. They were empty I should point out. There were no animals in to be found. Possibly because it was an open house for a new business that had yet to start seeing patients. Anyways.

I can't say there is a direct corrolation, but this story may lend itself to somewhat explain why I went another 3 years before ever having a first boyfriend.

I have a well documented history....

2011-09-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

....of falling. While most people seem to have an innate understanding of Newton's law, and the ability to remain upright, I do not. Allow me to re-cap merely a few of the incidents that have occured in the past 36 months:

1. I once fell 3 times in the span between my parked car in the driveway and the front door of my home, a distance of approximately 40 feet. Granted, it was winter, my hands were full, the walkway was snow covered and my feet were what would later become known as the "Danger Boots". But still.

2. This one was only a near-fall. I was crossing the street to work with a piping hot coffee in my hand when I slipped and grabbed ahold of the nearest body, should I need someone to break my fall. Unfortunately, the nearest person was an elderly woman. No, I am not beyond bringing an osteoperosis-ridden senior down with me. I am not a good person.

3. When I fell in an aquantance's kitchen, in full view of 3 or 4 men in the adjoining living room. On this occasion, I brought down a kitchen chair with me, sent another careening across the room, but managed to not spill even a drop of the bloody mary in my hand. (I should note that unlike many of my encounters with the floor, this one had nothing to do with alcohol however).

4. About 2 hours after finding out I was pregnant I slipped in a puddle of dog pee and landed flat on my ass. The boy simply looked away and shook his head.

*It bears noting that I fall so often that people around me seem to have become de-sensitized to it and no longer express alarm or concern for my well being. Trust me, this says more about me than it does about their character.

5. Last fall while visiting some of the boy's relatives in a neighbouring town, I managed something new. I feel from a sitting position. While poising myself to get up from where I had been perched on their porch steps, my flip-flop clad feet skidded out from underneath me and I literally summersaulted down 3 stairs, absolutely demolishing two of the homeowner's potted plants in the process.

That brings us to yesterday's incident. I must preface this tale by saying that normally the Boy is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, caring people I've ever met. So please do not let the following cloud your perception of him.

He had removed our back deck stairs to access something underneath. He then reattached them temporarily so we could still get to the yard, but so they could also be re-removed if required. He assured me, however, they were safe. I believe my verbatim response was, "Good, because if anyone will fall down them, it will be me."
Not even an hour later, I would realize what a gross understatement this was. I didn't just fall down the stairs. While clearing the patio table, I inadvertently brought my heel down on the "very safely secured" (the Boy's words, not mine) edge of the top step. An eight of a second later, me & my armful of empty dishes were 3 feet down, legs splayed in the air, stairs completely obliterated, covered in mud, bruises already beginning to form.
This is when the boy appeared above me (it's always more humiliating to be berated when someone is standing above you, isn't it?) and shouted, "What the hell are you doing?!".
As if I had intentionally thrown myself off the deck, destroying a deck chair and scattering some two-by-fours in the process.
I calmly explained that it wasn't my fault, that I hadn't even been trying to use the stairs, I reminded him of the fact that while he had assured me of the stairs safety, I could have been seriously hurt and that his reaction was somewhat unexpected and hurtful.
At thi spoint he turned to walk back inside to resume whatever he had been doing before I so rudely dragged him away. Over his shoulder I hears him say, "Wipe yourself off before dinner, you've got mud all over you."

Ahh, true love.

I came home....

2011-08-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

...from the cottage to some disturbing news. The boy had picked up a Roch Voisine cd at a yard sale. When I asked him why (and secretly hoped he would laugh it off, indicating he had made the purchase purely for irony's sake) he said that there was a really good track on that album.

Let it be noted, that while I have never actually broken up with a guy over his musical tastes, I have certainly been turned off enough to learn of a potential mate's less refined musical appreciation, that I have immediately relegated perfectly good men into the "friends only" cetegory. I am a music snob, have been for years.

Now, I am able to make certain concessions. For instance, I understand the Boy was born almost a full decade prior to myself. Based on his being born in '72, his muscial likes & dislikes were pretty well being cemented during the early to mid-80's. This could be either very good or very bad. In his case, it's both. He likes some great bands. One of his favourites is The Cult. This is, in my opinion, good. Another one of his favourite bands is Def Leppard. This I can let slide. Now, having recently learned that he also likes a Roch Voisine song...well, this could be grounds for termination of relationship.

I'll let you know which way things go.

It's become...

2011-08-18T17:57:00.001-07:00

...somewhat of a yearly tradition during the annual trek to my college reunion at the cottage.

Each year, within 5 minutes of departing, a dog barfs in the car. This year, the honour was Oliver's.

Thanks for keeping the streak alive buddy.

Apparently the boy & I....

2011-08-18T17:45:00.000-07:00

happened to come across the worst artist in the history of busker festival caricature artists.

She sketched me with an uncanny resemblance to Danny McBride.

Thanks for the ego boost lady.

One of many ways....

2011-07-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

....to permanently scar a 12 year old.

At the very least this captures the instant all the merits of going vegan start running through her head.

It may not...

2011-07-28T12:03:00.001-07:00

...have been considered a "fine dining" establishment that we were in....but is it too much to ask that fellow patrons keep their shoes on while eating? Of greater concern to me was that this was a buffet. Was she going to put shoes on to make the trek to the food? We didn't stick around to find out.

The Jean Machine was in town...

2011-07-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

...who knew Joey Ramone had been re-incarnated as a woman living in Grey County?

Where have I been....

2011-07-28T11:53:00.001-07:00

...you ask?

Oh, just overseeing the day-to-day care and development of an infant human being. No biggie.

Anyways....during a recent shopping excursion I came across the creepiest toy I've ever seen. Sort of a wino/hobo/bunny hybrid. Yuck.

Yesterday....

2011-05-30T06:49:00.000-07:00

....my almost-6-month-old had her first visit to Jason's Pub. It's not as bad as you think, I swear. It was for visiting purposes. Not drinking purposes.

Last week my car...

2011-05-03T16:45:00.000-07:00

...was broken into and none of my cd's were even stolen. Thus, either I, or the culprit, has terrible taste in music.

Some people ask....

2011-04-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

....why I don't move out of Owen Sound and come back to Ottawa. But I could never leave here. Really. It's just....the people. They have taught me so many valuable life lessons.

These guys for instance....

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley

Or her....

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran

Last but not least....

Dancers are the messengers of the gods. ~Martha Graham

I just wanted to share...

2011-04-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

...the best news of the day.

Universal Pictures has announced that they are developing a remake of Drop Dead Fred for Russell Brand to star in. Saturday Night Live writer Dennis McNicholas has been hired to develop the project for Brand. THR says the plan is to remake the movie in the tone of Beetlejuice, “building a universe around the concept of imaginary friends.” The original 1991 movie starred Phoebe Cates as a young woman who battles with her controlling mother and womanizing husband, and finds comfort and confusion with the appearance of her childhood imaginary friend. The original film was bashed by critics, not particularly well liked by moviegoers, didn’t make much money at the box office ($13.8 million total), but has developed a small but vocal cult following on home video.

Welcome to Grey Bruce Counties....

2011-04-06T12:21:00.001-07:00

....home to beautiful beaches and PANTLESS FRIDAYS.

Enjoy your stay.

A photographic essay....

2011-03-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

...of some things I've recently discovered.

1. I have a stinkin cute baby.

2. Bell Canada needs to update their snow removal policy.

3. While it breaks my heart to do it, I think it's finally time to reconsider my initial stance on not wanting to get my dog neutered.

Admittedly, it's not the best......

2011-02-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

....photo. In fact, you can hardly see the orthodontic device in question.

But here it is. I promised long ago that if I could ever find a photo of me with my headgear, I would post it. But my parents, thankfully, seem to have erased all evidence of this oh-so-awkward stage of my adolescence.

After a long search, countless hours, and much deliberation, it's the long awaited HEADGEAR PHOTO.

As if the headgear wasn't bad enough for an 11 year old girl to be forced to wear 24 hours a day, I also had the pleasure of sporting a really cutting edge, not to mention flattering, hairstyle.

Last week....

2011-02-14T06:09:00.001-08:00

...I decided to try waxing. Myself.

I had gone on a big cleaning binge in the bathroom and decided to get rid of a whole bunch of beauty products I had either never used or just didn't want, and during that process I came across a box of Nair wax strips. I don't recall ever buying these but that didn't seem important. Come to think of it, I never thought to check if there was an expiry date.

Me: "I just waxed my lip and it really hurts."
The Boy: "What?"
Me: "I just waxed my lip. And it HURTS."
The Boy: "You're mental."

As I continued my whining, he asked me why I felt the need to wax my lip, presumably because I don't really have any abundant hair issues there.

How could I tell him the truth? That I thought it might be fun or satisfying? That the pretty little box with the cartoon lady on the front made it look more like a board game than a painfully harsh beauty product? Even the strips themselves were lime green and were dotted with little multi-coloured sparkles. Cute, right?

I had never tried waxing before. I was curious. Adventurous even. I felt as though I were the Jacques Cousteau of hair removal!

Me: "The strips were really small, I didn't think they would work on my legs."

Sometimes, it's a wonder I'm not single.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

I was perfectly happy....

2011-02-14T06:08:00.001-08:00

....spending the last decade or so despising Enrique Iglesias & his msic. And then he had to go and put out two super catchy singles. Damn you Enrique, for ruining our dynamic.

Remember the time....

2011-02-06T12:36:00.000-08:00

....you were at the grocery store and you saw the harried father, trying to wrangle his toddler away from the cereal aisle, a nanosecond before the chold dissolved into a screaming, heaving pile of snot on the floor of the supermarket?

"Tsk, tsk," you thought. "What a mess."

Or the woman at the bank, on the verge of tears, fighting to keep the hysterical edge to her voice at bay, as she argues with the teller, "I know I had enough money in this account for that bill..."

"Get yourself together lady," you think to yourself haughtily.

Well, a few weeks ago, I was that person. The scene-causer. At the DMV of all places. I can look back on that afternoon now and laugh. At the time though, I was seconds away from having security called on me.

You see, my car had been towed to a lot in Trenton (this, I assure you, is a story in iteself). Anyways, I discovered, in order to get my car back, I would need to get a new sticker for the plate. This meant Trip #1 to the DMV.

Of course, the lineup was comprised of about 20 or 30 people ahead of me. But I waited. And the head of the DMV was a lovely woman, who went to each person in line before they got to the counter, ensuring they had all their paperwork in order.

"Very efficient," I thought. "I bet that saves a lot of time and cuts down on unecessary waiting in line, only to get to the counter and discover you are missing an important document."

The woman assured me I had everything I needed in order to get my new 2011 sticker. So I waited. About 40 minutes later I finally get to the front of the line. A sweet looking older woman calls me to her wicket. I explain to her that I want a new sticker for my car. She asks for my license. And the plate number. She informs me I have some outstanding parking tickets that need to be paid before she can issue me a new sticker. I tell her I was aware of this.

"Hm, quite a few tickets," she says.

"Yes, I know."

I pay my fines. "Quite a few" was an understatement.

I tried to look on the bright side of things, however. I would be starting this driving year with a clean slate. No fines. New sticker. Great.

"Alright dear, just one more thing before I assue your new sticker..."

Then the woman then asks for my insurance. I handed her the papers my insurance agent had been so kind to email me that very morning. I'm not going to lie, I felt a little proud of myself for being so prepared and bringing them on the off chance they were required. (Even though, I should point out, the woman in line had not told me I would need them for this transaction.)

"No dear, sorry, I need the original copy" said the nice woman behind the counter.

"Oh, no, you see, the original copy is in the car in Trenton. I can't get the original. But this is just as good. Believe me, I spoke to my insurance company this morning and they said, this is as good as teh copy that is in my glove box." I smiled sweetly, feeling confident I knew what I was talking about.

"No, I'm afraid we can no longer accept emailed policies. We need the pink copy. It's a new thing." I can see I'm dealing with a real Take-Charge-Marge here.

"What do you mean, "a thing"?? What is a thing? Is it a law? Is it a rule that has recently been implemented at this particular licensing branch? I don't understand." I am vaguely aware my voice has gotten a bit louder, but I blame the fact that being in the DMV always makes everyone a bit on edge.

"We just need the pink copy, Miss. I can't accept this one, I'm sorry." She fixes me with a steely gaze. Clearly, she is in no mood for having to explain things to a frazzled, and slightly snippy, woman. I notice she is no longer calling me dear, and has started using "Miss" instead. We've started down a slippery slope now, I can tell.

"What is the difference?! This is a white copy - virtually identical to the original pink one - that was sent to me directly from my insurance company!" Cue my voice jumping 5 or 6 octaves.

"Miss, I'm sorry, there is nothing I can do for you without the pink copy." With this she abruply gets up and walks away, disappearing around a corner and returning a few seconds later.

"Look....look! what if I just photocopy this one onto pink paper? Would that be acceptable?!"

No response. Not even eye contact.

"I want to speak to a manager."

"Miss, I just spoke to my manager. I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can do. I told you, it's a new thing."

This is where things really start to go downhill.

(I should explain, before you read this, I have never, ever, lost my temper with anyone serving me in a customer service capacity. I feel pretty confident in saying that most people who know me would agree that I am normally exceedingly polite and quite friendly. I am not proud of my behaviour this day, but I want to preface the following bit by saying that I had recently given birth, my baby was in the hospital, I was without a vehicle, had not yet received my maternity benefits...i.e. broke, was living out of a suitcase for the past 2 weeks, and was pretty much on the verge of busting down the barrier bordering on insanity. Now this does not excuse my behaviour, but I thought you should know.)

"A thing?! A THING?! Stop saying that! I don't understand. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

This is where the woman, unknowingly, does something that really pushes me over the edge. She places the NEXT TELLER PLEASE sign on the counter in front of me and turns away from me pretending to be couting the dozens of hard-earned bills I had just handed her to pay my fines.

It suddenly occurs to me that I am "that person". I am the "scenario" they were probably given to act out in a role playing exercise when they were doing on-the-job training at the DMV head offices. "How to Deal with Unruly Customers". Or, in this case, you could supplement "unruly" with "hysterical", "dangerous" or "mentally unhinged".

"NO! NO! You can't ignore me! I AM NOT LEAVING HERE JUST BECAUSE YOU PUT YOUR LITTLE SIGN UP!" This is where I started to cry. Not just tearing up in frustration. Like, good hard inappropriate sobbing. Something that should only ever be done under the most extreme cirsumstances, and even then, only in the privacy of your locked bedroom. Not in the middle of a provincial service office at lunch time.

She continues to ignore me however. I can, out of the corner of my eye, make out the dozens of faces of th epeople waiting in line behind me. The stare at me in shock. In my mind delirious mind though I imagined they were staring at me, awestruck, admiringly.

"Wow, it's about time someone finally stand up for all the little people. These DMV folk always thinking they are so high & mighty," I imagined them thinking.

In my mind, I was no longer the unstable crazy lady causing a scene in the DMV. I was standing up for all the little my people. I was not going to sit back and let my brothers & sistes be treated like this. The unjustice had been going on for too long. I was a modern day Robin Hood. Or something folk hero-like anyways.

"NO!" I screeched again. My voice not even sounding like my own. "You don't understand! I am not leaving here until I get my sticker!" I slammed my hand down on the counter for added emphasis. The tears continued flowing. The other tellers stared at me.

"I want that money back then!" I cried, pointing at the bills I had just used to settle my fines. The only reason I paid the fines was so I could get my sticker....and you won't give me a sticker. So give me my money back!"

My sweet old lady continued to ignore me. Now she got up and walked away, stopping to whisper something to her supervisor.

I suddenly realize resistance is futile. My mind is going a mile a minute. How I can now walk away, mortified, ashamed, beaten, with the hopes & dreams of all these people in line behind me resting on my shoulders?

With the sudden realization that security was probably being called I make a hasty retreat for the door.

Trip #2
I went home utterly dejected. It being 4:20 p.m ., my insurance company was about to close for the day for the day. After much pleading and snivelling on the phone, my insurance broker (who is from a town 2 hours away might I add) was lovely enough to put me in touch with a local, non-affiliated insurance company. The plan was for her to email this other company my policy information. They could then print it out on a pink slip for me, free of charge. I spent th enext 15 minutes makin approximately 14 phone calls to work out the finer points of this arrangement between two competing insurance companies. Fortunately, at about 4:40 p.m. everything was worked out and I had precisely 20 minutes to get to the end of town where the insurance company was to claim my pink slip before they closed and then make it back to the DMV (which, miracle of all miracles, was open until 7 p.m.)

The woman at the insurance company was a sweetheart, and even stayed a few minutes past closing to make sure she had the proper information all typed up on that much covetted piece of pink paper.

I thanked her profusely and ran down to my dear and patient grandfather, who insisted we go straight back to the DMV to see if we couldn't get this taken care of tonight.

Being that it was well after 5 p.m. now, there was still a line up but not quite as daunting as the previous trip. I waited my turn, feeling much better than I had a mere few hours earlier. Mainly due to the fact that my "dear" friend who had attempted to serve me in earlier in the day was nowhere in sight. Sweet relief.

I was finally called to the counter by a woman who looked to be in her early twenties. I explained to her what I needed, that I had been in earlier to pay my fines, and was sent away because I didn't have the hallowed "pink copy" which I presented to her with a flourish.

"Ha. Now what are you gonna do?", I thought smugly.

"Perfect," the girl said cooly as she began to read over the form with a fine tooth comb.

I waited. My throat began to close. I started to sweat. What was taking so long?

"Yeah, miss, I'm sorry, I can't accept this....you see right here? Yeah, right here, this VIN number she's typed on this pink form doesn't match what I have in the computer."

"What?" I stutter, grabbing at the small piece of paper in her hands. "Let me see that."

I pulled out my white copy that had been so cooly rejected earlier in the day and put the two side by side on the counter. Sure enough my white copy's VIN number ended in 49. The pink copy ended in 94.

This time there were no tears. This time I forgo all the theatrics. This time, I simply drop my head into my hands and lean on the counter. I stayed like this for a good 20 seconds. Less dramatic, yes. But I think I conveyed my feelings accurately. Then I gathered up my paperwork and walked out.

TRIP #3

The next morning I gto straight back to the insurance agent and explained the problem. She apologized profusely.

"Oh, it's no big deal, at all!" I said cheerily while smiling as convincingly as I could. I felt my face cracking though.

I then schlep back to the DMV for th ethird time in 2 days. I feel confident this time nothing can go wrong. I wait nervously in line again, butterlies in my stomache, hands shaking.

"Next please."

I look up.

"Oh god....no."

It's her.

Tentatively I approach that now familiar face. There is not even a flash of recognition. That extra second is not needed for her to place me. She knows me. Oh, she know exactly who I am.

"So dear, how did we do?" she asks calmly.

I roll my eyes and laugh skittishly. "Oh, you have no idea! HAHAHA." Dry, hysterical laughter emanating from my lips. Again, I don't even sound like myself.

I take a deep breathe. "Look, I'm really sorry about how I behaved yesterday. That was totally uncalled for. I don't normally -"

I stop mid sentence as I see her turn away. What could be wrong now?!? I feel the panic rising in my throat. I realize I have been holding my breathe.

"Here you go miss. Here's your sticker."

"WOOHOO!!!", I cried, shattering the relative silence of the small office as I snatched the sticker from her hands.

At this point, I kissed it before holding it aloft for all to see. I was no longer the brave soldier, taking a stand for my fellow man, against the big, corrupt DMV. No....now I was rubbing my hard earned success right in their envious little faces.

Yes, I can honestly say, I am no more proud of my behaviour in that moment, than I was the day prior. Shameful. However, I can also say I have never been so happy to be handed a small, white sticker in my entire life. I felt like 10 years had been added to my life. The weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.

And I get to do it all again 9 months.

I don't remember....

2011-02-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

....the chapter in "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" on projectile vomiting.

Wow.

I've been listening.....

2011-01-26T19:19:00.001-08:00

.....to a lot of books on tape lately. Now wait - there is a perfectly logical explanation for this. I've been doing a lot of driving, you see, and I really enjoy a break from radio now & then.

The only problem is, every time I get out of the car, I find myself narating my actions. Only in my head, thank goodness. But still, I can't seem to stop and I'm getting concerned.

But I probably won't stop listening to books on tape. I'm completely hooked. See what happens when you are forced to give up alcohol and nicotine? It's not pretty folks.

I've decided....

2011-01-26T07:04:00.001-08:00

...that now might be a good time fo rme to try to pick up a new language. I'm planning on buying some "Learn-To-Speak" on cd so I can listen to them in the car. I was thinking German, although that's not very practical. Maybe Spanish. Or Japanese.

I also decided I really need to get back to writing. I'm going to branch out from just blogging, to maybe working on some short stories and essays.

Since I will hopefully be bringing my premature baby home from the hospital this week, it seemed like a wise idea to add something else to my plate.

We saw a promo....

2010-12-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

...on tv advertising an upcoming airing of Crocodile Dundee. I admitted to the boy that Paul Hogan was one of my first crushes. Ok, not Paul Hogan. Specifically his Mick Dundee character. I know. It's creepy. I was, like, 8.

Call it an early Christmas gift double whammy, but immediately after this promo, the movie Tremors came on.

The Boy: "Didn't you also used to have a crush on Kevin Bacon?"
Me: "Not Kevin Bacon. Just his character in this particular movie."
The Boy: "Gross."

What can I say? I was a weird kid.

The boy....

2010-12-22T10:04:00.000-08:00

....has started calling me "The Easy Bake Oven" in honour of my super-speed pregnancy.

I'm sure he means that with the utmost love and affection.

I've had a few friends....

2010-12-20T09:22:00.001-08:00

....worry that I will change now that I'm a mom. More specifically, I've had some good friends express concern over the fact that they may not enjoy my blog as much if I turn into one of thos ecrazy people who only talks about their kids and thinks everythingthey do is just as iteresting to everyone else as it is to me.

I also have brutally honest friends who have made it quite clear they will not nearly enjoy my company as much if I do become lame & boring.

To all these people, I can ensure you.....mothehood will not ruin my sense of humour. To prove it, let me share this link my friend Lisa sent me.

http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/12/10/awkward-pregnancy-photos.html

Inspired by www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com, another one of my favourite sites which I've mentioned in this blog before, check out the above site to view a whole galler of super disturbing pregnancy photos.

Enjoy.

Oh, by the way....

2010-11-16T08:22:00.001-08:00

....if you haven't heard, I'm also expecting a baby. Yeah, no biggie.

I came dangerously close to being featured on TLC's "I didn't Know I was Pregnant", having not even noticed I was knocked up until I was already 6 months in. This'll be the fastest pregnancy ever.

Within the span of 3 days, we went from finding out we were expecting, to finding out I was over 6 months in, and finally, to finding out the sex of the baby. Most surreal 72 hours ever! Oh, it's a girl.

It's my birthday.....

2010-11-16T07:55:00.000-08:00

...and also Steven Tyler Day!

It was on this very day, a number of years ago that my best friend Lisa & I attended an Aerosmith concert in my hometown of Ottawa. But not just any Aerosmith concert. The same concert where for a brief instant, Steve Tyler held my hand. The same concert where Lisa took a more, ahem, forward approach and lunged at his thigh (ok, crotch).

Anyways, that night goes down in hostory as one of the most memorable nights of my life. Every year on this day Lisa emails me to wish me a Happy Birthday, but more importantly, a Happy Steven Tyler Day.

However, it wasn't until today, where upon emailing her back the same greeting, I realized that abbreviated, Steven Tyler Day, is also STD Day.

How appropriate I presume.

We spent the weekend....

2010-11-15T11:28:00.000-08:00

....in Ottawa for an early Christmas.

At one point, en route to breakfast with my grandparents, my grandma suddenly asks, "Jamie, you aren't wearing thongs are you?"

After the initial hilarity of being asked that by my grandmother had wore off, I told her politely that I didn't think it was any of her business.

"But you left them in the front hall at our place! It's a little too cold for thongs, don't you think?"

Then I realized she was referring to flip flops, not underwear.

Don't hate me....

2010-11-11T09:23:00.001-08:00

....but I have about 70% of my Christmas shopping done. And wrapped.

I also have my Christmas menu planned.

Hoping we can cut down the Christmas tree next weekend.

I need to get a life.

I just misread.....

2010-11-09T11:08:00.000-08:00

....a People.com headline that said "Dakota Fanning Crowned Homecoming Queen" as "Dakota Fanning Drowned Homecoming Queen".

Which would have been a way more exciting story. I was slightly confused as to why it wasn't listed as their top story and instead placed halfway down the page.

I need a nap.

I have the best.....

2010-11-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

...grandpa in thew world. The boy and I stopped by his house on Sunday for another quick visit before we left for Owen Sound. Gampy had just finished carving his pumpkin.

On our way.....

2010-11-02T06:11:00.001-07:00

....back from Ottawa on Sunday we got terribly lost. About 400 kilometres out of our way lost. There were mountains and towns I'd never heard of, and lots of snow. And wildlife. There was also this.....

Oh, and this:

The sad part is, these were both taken at the same gas station in the middle of nowhere. On Halloween. Just sayin.

Today is......

2010-10-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

....the boy & I's third anniversary.

In honour of the momentous occassion, let me just say, that sometimes it pays off to ignore your better judgement and take a leap of faith. Some people would say jumping into a move-too-fast-rebound-relationship-with-your-complete-opposite-whome-you-met-in-a-bar is a bad idea. I would say I'm thankful that I'm too dumb to listen to people's mostly sound advice.

Mostly, I am thankful he doesn't read my blog so that I can post stuff like this.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

My friend Jenn....

2010-10-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

....asked me what my best find was on Friday's Goods Exchange Day.

I was about to tell her I found a brand new hamster cage and accompanying accessories (including a detachable hamster maze!) when I realized this made me sound ready for a starring role on an upcoming episode of A&E's "Hoarders".

I do not have a hamster.
I have no intention of acquiring one.
I don't know anyone who does have a hamster.
I don't even like hamsters.

I opted to lie and just tell her my best find was a bunch of cd's. Sorry Jenn.

So for work.....

2010-10-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

.....my boss is making all the announcers record their very own, spooky Halloween i.d. (a little snippet of audio that goes in between songs) to run on the air this weekend.

In mine, I have to say, "This is Jamie 'Jekyl & Hyde' Johnston. From all the undead at Mix 106.5, Happy Halloween!"

All this is fun and cute...except that we have to record them in character. By that I mean, we had to try to do a spooky or scary voice. I despise doing character voices, as our producer can attest to. I rarely do impressions or accents because....well, because I can't.

As a result, my "spooky" Halloween read sounds more like an 80-year old smoker suffering from emphysema.

Update: You know you want to hear it:

http://www.gabcast.com/gc1/index.php?a=pub&id=32939

Have I mentioned.....

2010-10-25T09:21:00.001-07:00

....how much I love this little guy already?

I also have an unhealthy obsession with his teeth & how his tongue hangs out of his mouth when he sleeps. I realized this when I began downloading photos off my camera and there were a series of no fewer than 8 close ups of this.

Maybe someday I'll get a life. Until then......

Some good news.....

2010-10-22T06:22:00.000-07:00

....to share on a Friday!

1. Today, it's basically Christmas-come-early for the boy & I. Today in OWen Sound is Goods Exchange Day!!! Also known as Giveaway Day, tonigh ti sthe night you place your unwanted, but still useable, items out by the curb, and scavengers like me come by and pick them up. I never would have thought this is what my life would be like. And then I moved to Owen Sound.....

2. I just discovered they now serve oatmeal at Tim Horton's and this made me way more excited than it should! I love Tim Horton's coffee.....but I have always found it hard to find something remotely healthy to eat there in the mornings. I was thrilled a few weeks ago when they introduced the breakfast wraps on whole wheat tortillas...and then I remembered how dismal tasting their breakfast sandwhiches are, and I figure the wraps won't be much better. But they now serve maple oatmeal as well as oatmeal with real mixed berries.

3. I saw snow this morning! Not on the ground, mind you....just on a few cars, and they must have come from out of town. But it was still pretty exciting!

4. The other night we stopped at our local covnevience store because I decided I wanted a can of soup. We stop there quite frequently and since the boy insists on talking to everyone in his path, he's become quite chummy with the couple that own the store. Anyways, the wife had been ver ysad to learn about Lola, and insisted that I take a fall mum home with me. I argued with her, telling her I couldn't accept but she insisted....and in the end she ended u psending me home with two HUGE fall mums for free! I almost felt bad taking them but the woman said she wanted to get rid of them all before the frost. So if you are looking for a great deal on fall mums, go to Daisy Mart ion the west side of Owen Sound. The plants are gorgeous and they still have tons of different colours and styles!

Have a great weekend everyone!

I have it pretty easy.....

2010-10-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

....at home. The boy pre-makes my next day's lunch each night before we go to bed. Lats night he informed me, "Your lunch is ready. It's a bowl of soup and leftover antihistamines."

He means antijitos. I don't bother correcting him anymore.

I have spent a good......

2010-10-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

.....few hours over the last few days researching purchase options for a particular promotional item I am really hoping to get for the stations.

I have fielded numerous long distance phone calls from all over Canada & the U.S., I've have sent out many email inquiries, I've passed hours in meeting with various co-workers to discuss the benefits of purchasing said item and scoured the Internet for different makes, models, and pricing options.

I really want a t-shirt cannon.

Looking back, I really never thought 2 years of college and 10 years into my career I would ever be saying those words.

Once again....

2010-10-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

...I have completely ignored the advice of about 75% of people I know. After we lost Lola, we were strongly advised not to "run out" and get another dog in an attempt to fill the void. And in fact, for the first few days after losing her, the boy and I could not even fathom owning another dog ever, let alone in the near future.

As I've said before, losing Lola, was for me, losing my child. I don't have kids...and she was my little girl. We knew we'd never replace her, and even if we did try, as she was the funniest, most charming dog I've ever seen, we would have failed miserably at even coming close.

My heart was broken and while each day got a little better, I still cried over her on a daily basis. I miss her terribly, and would give anything to have her back....

....but I decided to go with my gut and heed the advice of a few others who, while in the minority, were die-hard pet parents like myself. They understood what we were going through and knew that while we can never replace Lola, we could certainly do what we needed to do to try to fill the giant hole she left in our lives.

Meet Oliver (Ollie). Ollie joined our family on Friday night.

I know not everyone will agree with our decision to get another dog so quickly. But it's a testament to how much we loved having Lola around that we simply could not imagine our life without a little French Bulldog in it.

While many people have said he looks just like Lola, I see a completely different dog. Which is good. He's a totally different personality (i.e. he's a handful...that isa nice way of saying it).

He's a lot slower and more clumsy than Lola. He sleeps way more. And when he does, his little tongue hangs out. It's really cute. At least his momma thinks so.

His eyes are really far apart, which gives him a "slow" look as the boy says. I think it's just endearing though.

I cried on the way home after we picked him up. A mixture of still missing Lola, and holding a puppy again for the first time. But also because I was so grateful we had this little guy coming to our family.

If he's half as happy as Lola was he'll be one spoiled boy.

We just got cable.....

2010-10-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

....re-installed on Saturday after a few-months long without. I don't know what I was thinking trying to go without TV. Good lord.

I am an idiot. A few months ago, I decided to switch from Rogers to our local cable provider (who we also have our phone service through). I knew they would be cheaper. Plus, I like to shop local when I can. The phone service has been great so I thought the cable option would be great too. And I thought I might get a deal with a bundle.

Anyways, I called our local provider and left a message explaining what I was wanting to do. Then I immediately called Rogers and told them nicely to disconnect me. A couple day slater I still had not heard from the local company so I decided to check ou ttheir website and get our service hooked up online....only to be met with a large notofocation on their homepage that they do not yet offer cable to our area.

WHAT HAD I DONE?!?!?

Now, we could have signed back up with Rogers fairly simply, but our bill would have been EXTRA high due to having to pay a full reconnection fee, plus the remainder of our final bill. And since I work in radio, I am poor. So we waited.

I was proud of us for managing so long without cable. But I'm certainly not going to expound the virtues of living a television-less life. We read alot, but no mmore than we usually do. And being that we are always on a tight budget, it's not like not having tv at home made us get out anymore than when we did have tv. We don't watch a ton of it, but for us, TV is a way to relax in the evenings. We can sit on the couch and snuggle with the dogs and just be entertained. And I can always fal back on the age-old excuse that I need to keep up-to-date on timely events due to my particular field of work (thank you Pop Culture 101 for opening my eyes to this excuse).

Anyways, long story short, we now have cable again. Thank sweet Jesus. And the best thing about it so far? Sister Wives. That show is CRAZY. If you've never seen it, it's about a Polygamist family in Utah (it airs on TLC). The boy & I both watched hours of it last night. That's right, I said "hours". If needed, here is where you can point out the fact that I need to get out more. I won't argue.

Something I'm passionate about.....

2010-10-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

...and something I hope you will watch.

I had a hankering....

2010-10-13T11:57:00.000-07:00

...to write a posting on headgear. Why, you ask?? If I knew the answer to this question it would probably explain a lot. It's just how my brain works.

Remember headgear? I do. Because my parents opted for the cruel & unusual torture of agereing with my orthodontist that I should be required to wear one of these contraptions for 2 whole years of my life. That's right. Everyone know someone who had to endure this. I was that kid. Oh, did I mention I didn't get off easy with the 12-hour a day deal? Nope, mine was to be worn 24 hours, 7 days a week.

You know, most pre-pubescent, gawky 11-year old girls don't have fragile enough self-esteem as it is, without having a monstrous metal device envelopping their head.

Anywho, I went through an entire box of old photos last night looking for a single photo of me wearing this device. (See, I'm not shy, I was willing to share). Well, the hour I spent going through an entire shoe box of photos was fruitless. My parents apparently took zero photos of me between the ages of 11 and 13. Most likely due to the headgear itself.

My new goal is to try to find a headgear-clad photo of yours truly.

Hang tight everyone.

I thought I should let you know.....

2010-10-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

....that there are only 73 days til Christmas!

We had a fabulous Thanksgiving....

2010-10-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

.....with lots of laughs, family and food. It was much needed after the horrendous week we had in our house. The weather was gorgeous, hitting the 20 degree mark most days and tons of sunshine. The boy & my Dad got to spend some time golfing. I came across the scorecard in my dad's truck later that afternoon and while he golfed very well, the boy had stopped keeping track of his score on about the 15th hole.

We had not one, but two great dinners, some drinks and lots of laughs. Oh, and it wouldn't be an Owen Sound Thanksgiving without a little bit of beer-can hockey.

Afterwards (and after the aforementioned drinks), my dad came to see me to inquire if we were ready to hit the road and head home to our place. I told him both the boy & I were indeed ready to call it a night, and he said he was going to get tell my stepmom to get ready to leave. Now, I'm not sure what ensued in the next five minutes....but by the time the boy and I got out to the road to get in the truck, we were just in time to see the truck's tailights peeling around the corner at the end of the street.

It's not possible my father & stepmother left without me is it? Could they have forgotten their daughter? On Thanksgiving? When the temperature was about 2 degrees and we were blocks from home? When they were spending the weekend as guests in my house?!

The boy offered an optimistic suggestion. "Maybe he's just goin garuon dthe block to get the truck warmed up for us."

Alas, this was not the case. The boy and I went back inside, made ourselves a couple of to-go drinks and hit the road. In the dark. In the cold. On Thanksgiving night. Me wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a thin cardican. Oh, and flip flops.

Upon arriving at home, my parents were nestled cozily on the couch, woodstove roaring.

The worst part was, my step mom took the time to rememeber to grab the bottle of wine I had brought to dinner, but she forgot her own husband's daughter. Sheesh.

Note: I wasn't actually mad. If anything I admired their sense of priority. What can I say?

Growing up in Ottawa......

2010-10-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

....there was just a certain way of speaking that I became accustomed to. And I should point out, I actually grew up outside of Ottawa, in an incredibly small town. No streetlights. One convenience store. One bank. One grocery store. One gas station. One public school (no high school).You get it.

But still, when I moved to Owen Sound, I was exposed to a whole new dialect.

This morning, while in the car with my mother-in-law, the following two phrases were uttered within a span of about 4 minutes; "Freeze the balls off a brass monkey" and "Jesus Lord love a duck".

In all my twenty-plus years in Ottawa, never once did I hear anyone actually use these expressions. But it's also one of the things I love about where I live now.

Ok, today is a new day....

2010-10-07T05:59:00.000-07:00

....and each day is a little better than the last.

The house is still too quiet and I miss my little peanut so much it literally hurts my heart. I still can't talk about her without crying. And I can't listen to the boy talk about her either without wanting to curl into a ball. I miss her huge ears, and her sweet little lips and her round tummy. And I miss how noisy and energized she made the house. You would think with three other dogs at home we wouldn't notice a difference. But we do.

Last night I framed a couple of pictures of her and put them up on a shelf with the plaque JR made me.

And I go out every morning to see her in the backyard. I was bringing her a treat every morning but then I realized Molly was sneaking back there and eating them so I had to stop.

My sister-in-law sent me a messgae through my blog this mornign that made me laugh and cry at the same time.

"Lola looks very special that's for sure.
She was definitely lucky to have you and I'm sure lived her life to the fullest.

Abner told me he's been communicating with her through the wind. Her little spirit lives on! Even down here on the beaches!I'm sure she is enjoying her afterlife with all the other little ones... including Maddie!

Love to you! and Sorry for the loss.
Christina"

When I started....

2010-10-05T05:58:00.000-07:00

....writing this blog last year, I made a conscience decision to try to keep it positive. Sometimes sarcastic or mean....but never whiny or depressing.

Today that is going to be a challenge.

When I came to work this morning my goal was not make it through the day without breaking down sobbing at my desk. It really freaks out my co-workers. Fortunately, none of the guys who work at the desks surrounding mine have shown up yet, because I've already failed. Twice. And it's not even 9 a.m.

On Sunday, I lost my little girl Lola.

For any of you who know me, or read my blog, you know my unhealthy obsession with my dogs. We have 4 of them. That alone indicates a slightly off-kilter compulsion if you ask me. Well, multiply that obsession by about 10 times, and you will come close to understanding my feelings about Lola.

The boy got me Lola as a Mother's Day gift in 2009. She was just a puppy. And she was the last of 4 dogs we have taken in. Much to the chagrin of the first three, she fast became my favourite.

I have no qualms about admitting that I crossed the appropriate owner-pet behaviour line multiple times a day. In the past week for instance, I've said each of the following statements to the boy:

-"I could look at her all day long. I never get tired of looking at her." (To which the boy replied, simply, "You are sick Jamie.")

-"I just love her so much. She is going to live forever. I know it."

And wait for it folks, here's the kicker:

-"I hope if I ever have kids that I love them as much as I love Lola. I'm not sure that I could ever love anything as much as her." ("Ok, we are so never having kids then." - The Boy)

This is the same dog who came everywhere with me, who owns more clothes than the Boy and the 3 other dogs combined. The same dog who I literally held in my arms all night, every night. The same dog who everyone of my family, friends and even perfect strangers fell in love with upon laying eyes on her. The same dog who had such a huge and sweet personality has made it nearly impossible to be in the house now because I can't stand the quiet.

The same dog who spent her last day going for a long drive with us through the backroads. Who met a bunch of people she'd never seen at garage sales we stopped at and who soaked up all the attention she could from perfect strangers. The same dog who pooped in the backseat of the car the one time we did leave her alone for a few minutes. The same dog who didn' tget in any trouble whatsoever for doing this because she was so cute and loveable she got away with pretty much everything. (The boy and I both agree that if there was something we could do, some trade we could make to just get her back, she would be allowed to poop all over the house for the rest of her life if it meant this weekend had never happened). The same dog who snuggled in with us as we slept in on Sunday morning. Who got us both to suck her up and she rolled around on her back, trying to be cute. Who got to curl up and nap in front of the woodstove. Who wrestled with the cat and her 2 brothers until I yelled at them to please stop. The same dog who got countless kisses in her last few hours.

Lola was not my dog. She was my little girl. She gave off so much love, and charm, so much sweetness and cuteness, so much personality, that there was no way she could have lived to be an old dog. And the only way I can explain why what happened happened, is to say that she was too good to be true.

The boy had this made for me yesterday as a surprise. I had no idea I could spontaneously erupt into tears that quickly.

To my little Lola, my peanut, my angel.

P.S. Thanks to my brother & Christina who made a donation to the Owen Sound Animal Shelter in Lola's memory. The shelter has promised to use the money to go towards saving another dog who needs it.

A summary....

2010-10-01T15:32:00.001-07:00

...of my evening so far.

-Nap
-Leftovers
-Returned a ceiling fan
-Back to work at 6 p.m. (after already working a full day)

Up next? A 9 p.m. trip to Walmart to scope out paint samples and peruse the women's section.

It's a big Friday night in the city of Owen Sound folks.

What's happened to my life?

(I say that simply to make you think I'm not totally excited about my impending Walmart stop. Did it work?)

Have a great weekend all.

So we've been....

2010-10-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

....giving away tickets to see Mickey Rooney at the Old Roxy this weekend. I would have thought a Hollywood legend, coming to a small town would have been a big draw. But tickets are going slow. Possibly due to the $70 price tag.

To be honest I was a little shocked to find that Mickey Rooney was still alive. I have fond memories of him from my choldhood, due to the fact that he used to appear on one of my favourite shows from my pre-teen years. I couldn't even really be sure I didn't make this sho wup in my mind, but thanks to Wikipedia I know this is not the case: 'There was also a television series called Adventures of the Black Stallion which aired from 1990 to 1993 and starred Mickey Rooney and Richard Ian Cox."

Anywho, Mickey Rooner got me thinking about one of my true favourite Hollywood living legends, Anthony Hopkins. Ok, I should just admit it...I might have watched Legends of the Fall again the other day. That might have been Viewing #1634 of that particular film. TRowards the end, when Anthony's character who's had a stroke, pulls a rifle out of his ragged old bearskin coat and blows away all the corrupt lawmen who have come to kill his son??? Ugh, it gets me everytime.

I tried to find a still from this scene in the movie to post here, but apparently not as many people are a huge fan of this movie as I am.

And then yesterday, while I'm on the topic of Hollywood legends.....I learned another of my favourites, Tony Curtis, had died. My love for Mr. Curtis is based solely on two facts. One, he starred in one of my favourite movies of all time, "Some Like It Hot" along with Marolin Monroe & Jack Lemon. This movie will always make me think of mt grandma and watching it over and over and over again at the cottage for a few summer sin a row, until I knew everyword to everyone of Marilyn's songs.

The second reason I loved Tony Curtis is a little more complex. I was partially named after his daughter, not-quite-legendary actress Jamie Lee Curtis. Then, only yeasterday I learned that Tony Curtis' real name was Bernie Schwartz. And that instantly took away a whole lot of what was left of my 80's namesake glory. Oh well.

R.I.P. Tony.

I have been.....

2010-10-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

....smoke free for just over 3 months now. Shouldn't I get a pin or something?

Congratulations.....

2010-10-01T05:41:00.001-07:00

....to Meesh! Can't wait to meet her in person!

Wait, whoa....what??

2010-09-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

I noticed this sign at a mall in Barrie yesterday.

It appears the quilting industry is now marketting to previously untapped demographics.

I was pleasantly....

2010-09-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

....surprised to come home the other day, only to discover that the boy had added a few finishing touches to the autumn explosion that has become my porch. Pumpkins, gourds, hay bales etc.

The boy: "Hey, you didn't comment on the corn flakes."
Me: "The what?"
The boy: "The corn flakes. I tied them to the front porch pillars like you said you were going to do."
Me: "Those are called corn stalks, not corn flakes."
The boy: "Oh, whatever, Ms. Smart Encyclopedia Lady."

I don't know....

2010-09-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

...what it is about the fall. But I've been going into demoestic mode. Or nesting mode. Or whatever mode it is people go into when the weather gets cold and they prepare to bunker down for a long winter.

I decorated my front porch for autumn. These seasonal elements will stay in place until probably 6 weeks from now, when I tear everything down and go into insane Christmas Lady Mode. And yes, I realize Christmas is still 14 weeks away. (I just went through an online photo album from last year. And the pictures of us cutting down out Christmas tree were taken on November 23rd just to give you an idea of the scope of my issues.)

Check out my porch!

And the boy was kind enough to buy me some corn stalks from a roadside stand that I can attach to the pillars on the porch. I know, no one is as excited about this as I am!

Oh, and the baking! I have done more baking in the past 2 weeks than I usually do in two years. I baked the boy some peanut butter cookies last week.

That same night I tried out a new recipe for Pecan Pie Muffins.

Yes, that is a liberal sprinkling of brown sugar on each muffin top. Alas, these were dissapointingly dry. I should have followed my usual go-to baking rule...when in doubt, add more butter.

Last night, I made a cabbage role casserole, which was amazing.

And finally, since I was on such a roll, I whipped up a loaf of banana bread for dessert. ( Of course, it would have looked way more appealing if I'd waited until after it was nicely baked before taking the photo.)

So remember that posting about a week back where I shared my excitement over having discovered I'd lost a jean size? Well, maybe losing weight is overrated.

Some lovely homegrown....

2010-09-17T10:31:00.001-07:00

...tomatoes were brough tinto the station by a co-worker recently. Now, I hate raw tomatoes, but I brought some home for the boy.

Everyone at work seemed shocked that I refuse to eat tomatoes. Especially being that I like things such as brushetta, tomato juice and spaghetti sauce.

One Halloween, when I was about 6 and my brother maybe 4, we were forced by our parents to each eat a slice of raw tomato before we were allowed to go out trick or treating. My brother and I both sat at the kitchen table, in costume, sobbing and gagging and trying to force the tiny piece down our throats. It was not a Happy Halloween. But we did eventually get through it after much dry-heaving and tearful theatrics.

The happy ending is that later we went door to door and looked adorable, and from the photos taken later than evening I can tell we forgot all about the ugly tomato-dinnertime incident. But to this day neither of us will eat raw tomoatoes.

I watched....

2010-09-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

....The Passion of the Christ last night for the first time. I don't get what all the controversy was about.

Granted, I am not religious whatsoever, so I would not be the best person to be able to spot all the inaccuracies that incited so much anger when the movie came out. In fact, 4 years of Catholic school religion classes are all nothing but vague memories at this point. Not unlike everything I learned after Grade 2 math. And even that would be stretching it. The math has pretty much left the building as far as my brain is concerned.

Anywho.....I didn't mind the movie. But I kept trying to figure out what all the fuss was about. Again, I should emphasize I am not up to snuff on my Jesus trivia, so please forgive my ignorance.

It also didn't help that the following questions were posed back and forth between the boy and I during the course of the film:

-Is that Judas? I thought they showed Judas being arrested.
-Ceasar was alive at the same time as Jesus? I had no idea.
-Is that guy Judas?
-Wait, is Mary his mother or the prostitute?
-What language is this?
-Didn't you go to Catholic school? And you don't know this?
-Why do so many of the characters have long hair and beards? I can't keep track of Judas!
-Is this taking place in Rome? It sure looks like Rome.

I did something today I never in a million years thought I would do. I Googled "Passion"+"Christ"+controversy. Hey, it's a quiet Friday afternoon. I won't judge your Google history and you don't judge mine, okay?

I just got....

2010-09-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

....really excited upon discovering some loose change in my pants pocket.

Look, payday is tomorrow.

Don't judge me, okay?

The boy's....

2010-09-08T10:15:00.001-07:00

....horoscope in yesterday's paper read, "If you have been looking for permission to go ahead and have a night out on the town with friends, permission granted. You deserve it!"

Screw you Horoscope. I make the decisions around here. And unless you are going to clean out the garage and help me walk the dogs then I suggest you keep mind your own business.

My friend...

2010-09-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

...Amanda came to visit this weekend. She just recently moved from Vancouver to Toronto. And decided to spend a weekend here in the OS to catch a bit o fthe salmon derby.

Here is one reason I love Amanda.

Let me explain.

Amanda scooped this poster for me about 3 years ago while still living on the West Coast. She has hung onto it since then and recently ensured it's safe transportation in a cross-country move. On Saturday, she proceeded to trek it through downtown Toronto at 6 a.m. on her walk to the bus stop, for the 4-hour journey to the Sound.

Now, I'm sure she got some strange looks from her co-passengers on the bus. And, that is saying a lot. Anyone who's ever travelled by bus knows what I mean. No offense to frequent bus travellers.

Anyways, thanks Amanda. You made me very happy. You made the boy very uncomfortable. And you made Dwight finally feel like he's part of the family. (For now anyways. The boy is giong to make me move Dwight out of the dining room very soon. I don't like the way he looks at him.)

I pride myself.....

2010-09-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

.....on keeping a relatively clean house. I mean, it's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But I take satisfaction in knowing that while I have 4 dogs, people tell me how tidy and nice smelling my house is (thank you Febreeze Noticeables).

Anyways, that's not to say that there aren't some little house cleaning jobs I might have missed for say, the last....oh, I don't know......4 years or so.

Like cleaning the ceiling fans for instance....which I unwittingly turned on "High" last night for the first time in a long time.

Martha Stewart, I'm not.

Go ahead....

2010-09-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

....and watch it if you want, but Ben Stiller's "Greenberg" was terrible.

The following email exchange just took place between my brother & I.

Me: P.S. Do NOT rent the movie Greenberg starring Ben Stiller. It is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. Ever.

Ty: Regrettably, I started to watch Greenberg. Christina made us turn it off like 10minutes into it though. Talk to you soon. Ty

Me: Something instinctively told me that you guys were going to watch it and I felt compelled to warn you. Christina made a wise decision. Literally, nothing happens between the time you turned it off and 104 minutes later when the credits roll. Literally....nothing. I was so mad at the end. I can't even believe that movie was made.

I recall saying half way through the film that I hoped Ben Stiller's character decides to off himself because it would mean the movie was done.
So consider yourself warned.

Anyways, to each his own I suppose. I am not a film critic.

These people are however:

-Good luck with yourself, Greenberg. But I think I want to break up.
-The characters are so socially destructive that it’s difficult to care what happens to any of them.
-Roger Greenberg is not the kind of guy you want to wind up next to at a dinner party.
-You may well identify with Roger's relentless irritation. But you probably won't like it.
-I only kind of like it, and I'll probably never want to see it again, but I respect it on some level.

And my favourite review so far:

-Detest may not be a strong enough word to express what surely ranks as the worst movie of 2010. If you choose to ignore this warning, you may want to jump off a cliff after seeing this debacle for yourself.

In one week.....

2010-09-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

....I will no longer have to see this sitting in my laneway every time I return from work.

This is the boy's demo car. The Demolition Derby is this Saturday. Which means for the first time in a month my laneway will be free of randomly strewn car parts, random men drinking beer and smelling like gasoline and this green monstrosity.

It's a good thing I love him.

The one time....

2010-09-07T07:20:00.001-07:00

...I opt not to run and grab my camera and I'm totally regretting it.

On Sunday night the boy fell asleep on the couch in the back room. When I was ready for bed, I went to see if he was just going to stay put.

I turned the light on and immediately gasped.

I don't know how to properly explain what I encountered in that room.....but let me use a few mathematical equations and see if you can put it together.

It'll be fun.

2 Gravol + 1 backpain tablet = a powerful sleep inducing cocktail if I ever saw one

No air conditioning + the boy falling asleep with a pile of chocolates on his chest = bag ful of melted chocolate all over his face, neck, shirt, hands, glasses and couch

One terrible and mean spirited person (me) + a groggy person's misfortune = me laughing so hard I could barely go get a cloth to help him clean up and opting to go to bed instead.

A harsh reminder.....

2010-09-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

....that I should never brag about anything:

Five minutes after my earlier posting gushing about how excited I was to be down a jean size....a co-worker walked past, reached out, and tore the size sticker off the ass end of my jeans.

That's not really me in the picture. I was too mortified to take a photo. I promotly threw the tag in the garbage and went back to my desk to cry.

I had the pleasure...

2010-09-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

...of spending all day Saturday on a boat. In the sunshine, docked near White Cloud Island. Not just any boat. This boat.

It was very fast. So fast that you are required to wear goggles.

You thought I was exaggerating, didn't you? No, it wasn't just a fashion statement my friends.

I won't tell you how long it took the get the knots out of my hair. (Ok, it took a long time. I may not even be finished yet.)

There's nothing wrong with befriending people hwo own boats. I promise.

God bless....

2010-09-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

....the jean makers of Walmart. They either know how to boost a girl's self esteem or I might have FINALLY lost a jean size. I say "finally" because I quit drinking pop (almost entirely) about a month ago. I used to have a can of Pepsi ever day. At least one can. Now, I can still have one once in a while, but I don't buy it to keep in the house. I've started drinking about 6 bottles of water a day. And I have been a little more careful about what I eat. (I'm sorry Nachos. I still love you. We just can't hang out every day like we used to.)

I also quit smoking too. Which, in an unexpected turn, has made drinking a lot less enjoyable. Who knew? So I've been cutting back on the beer & red wine too. I know...it's like I don't even know myself anymore. Don't worry Wine. I'm never goin gto quit you entirely. We've been through too much together.)

All that to say, my efforts were rewarded last night when I tried on a pair of jeans, fully expecting them to be a size too small, but insisting on trying to squeeze into them anyways....only to discover they actually fit!

That is the first time this has happened in years. (I was going to omit the fact that the only reason I was jean shopping in the first place was because I had worn out my former favourite pair of jeans from excessive friction in the thigh area....any girls who wear more than a size 6, you know what I'm talking about.) But I'm nothing if not honest.

Random Thoughts

2010-08-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

1. I have a lot to do at work today but zero motivation. I spent the last hour constantly refreshing Facebook to see if anyone's uploaded anything worthwhile.....and now I'm printing out a recipe for homeade cinammon bread.

2. I just saw a dog hair in my lunch.....I tried to pick it out and then I lost track of it. So I kept eating. Gross? Maybe. (I know it was one of my dog's hairs though. Still not sure if that makes it any better.)

Last night.....

2010-08-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

....I dreamt I had a baby. The baby was clearly not mine as it was a different race entirely. But this didn't seem to concern me in my dream. And in the span of 2 weeks he had already grown to the size of an 8-year-old. But because I still thought he was a newborn, I insisted on carrying him around everywhere, including to the Toddler Wrestling Championships, which took place in a field. Everyone todl me we had a good shot at winning since my little guy was so hefty.

I swear, I only had had 2 drinks all night.

Today is.....

2010-08-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

.....Thursday, August 26th. It's National Dog Day.

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to his last beat of his heart. You owe him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown

The things.....

2010-08-21T10:18:00.001-07:00

....you see while working on a Saturday. Wow, it's like a whole other world out there. It's nice to have a big window that overlooks a downtown street though. Allow me to share two things I saw this morning:

One, I don't mean to judge parents, as I am not one, but I'm really not sure about those kid-leash things.

Two, I just saw a woman wearing the tighest pair of acid wash jeans ever. Yes, I wrote "tighest" and "acid-wash" together in the same sentence for the first time since I wrote my 1988 Christmas list.

Anyways, I grabbed my camera, but by the time I was ready, she had entered here apartment across the street. I've have my camera sitting beside me at the ready for the past 4 hours in case she re-emerges.

Enjoy your Saturday.

I love...

2010-08-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

...carbs. (Whoa...initially I typed "crabs". That would have totally changed the entire meaning of this blog.)

I could eat pasta every day, for every meal. The boy, not so much.

Last night, while perusing the grocery store, trying to decide what we should have for supper:

Me: "I'm craving mashed potatoes".
Him: "What do you want to have with them?"
Me: "I don't know....I might just make a Lipton Sidekick or something."
Him: (looking aghast) "That's it?!"
Me: "I'm sorry? What do you mean 'that's it'? That's lots."
Him: (looking disgusted with me) "There's no meat in that meal."

For him, a meal without meat, isn't a meal. This morning though, I took it as a gift from the gods, that while reading one of my favourite blogs, I came across this recipe. It's the perfect combination of carby-goodness, and.....BACON. Who doesn't love bacon?! And bacon is a meat product. This is like win-win. It's the perfect merging. If you've ever wondered how to combine bacon & pasta....I have your answer. Oh, and it's super easy. I wish I knew who came up with the recipe so I could call them and thank them personally. Or marry them. Whatever. Read on.

Ingredients:
2 packages (16 Oz. Package) Bacon, Naturally Flavored
½ cups Bacon Grease, From The Bacon You're Cooking
2 cans (28 Oz. Cans) Diced Tomatoes, Nothing Added
½ cups Chopped Fresh Basil
2 cloves Fresh Garlic, Minced
1 bunch Chopped Green Onions
2 teaspoons Salt, Optional
1 box (16 Oz. Box) Capellini Or Angel Hair Pasta

Preparation:
Fry bacon in a large frying pan, making sure it’s cooked thoroughly but not too crispy. Drain cooked bacon on paper towels, but don’t throw away the grease in the pan! You want to reserve 1/2 cup bacon grease. Dump the rest of the bacon grease out, then put the skillet back on the stove without cleaning it. Trust me. When the bacon is cool, use your fingers to tear it into small pieces. (Please, don’t ever use store bought bacon bits in this recipe.) Set your cooked, crumbled bacon aside.

Now, open your tomato cans and dump them into a large bowl. Throw in the chopped fresh basil and stir. You want to be able to see the basil, distributed evenly in the tomatoes, so if you have to add more, you can. Set this bowl aside and let the flavors mingle while you do the next step.

Dice your garlic, and chop your green onions. Pour your 1/2 cup of bacon grease back into the skillet and heat it to medium. Throw in and saute your garlic and onions. When they’re getting a nice tan from the color of the bacon grease, add your bacon. On low heat, saute the bacon together with the garlic and onions for around ten minutes. When you start getting high from the smell in your kitchen, pour in the bowl of tomatoes and basil. Stir together really well, bring to a boil and then cover and simmer 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Taste and add salt if necessary.

Meanwhile, in a large pot, cook your pasta according the directions on the package. Drain noodles and set aside. Right before serving, in a very large bowl, add the bacon/tomato sauce to the noodles and mix well.

This stuff is also pretty amazing reheated the next day. I usually just pop it into the microwave for a minute or two.

\

Update: I made this recipe on Saturday and it turned out amazing! It tasted so good. How come I never thought to put pasta & bacon together before?! It was super easy, the only thing that was a bit of a pain was having to cook all the bacon seperately before starting on the sauce. And trying not to eat all the bacon before adding it to the sauce. I may have been 2 or 3 pieces short by the time I got aruond to that step. But who's counting? It even looked as good as it did in the photo above! Enjoy!

I know some....

2010-08-21T07:17:00.001-07:00

....people in town received the Sears Christmas Wish Book on their doorsteps this morning.

I hope mine comes today too.

Don't judge me. Don't you dare judge me.

Ladies....

2010-08-20T06:42:00.001-07:00

...many of you have teased me about my affinity for Dwight Yoakam. But, I challenge you, hit "Play" on the video below..........just give it a chance, ok? Watch it until the end. It's only a few seconds long.

And if you still don't find this guy even a little bit sexy.....then you and I are just from different planets.

I've got a date tonight.....

2010-08-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

...with Dwight. Yes. Mr. Yoakam. And me. Orillia. Free ticket. Sigh. Bliss.

I know he's not everyone's cup of tea. But I adore him. Everything about him.

When I mentioned on Facebook I was going to see him, it elicitted a number of rude remarks that I won't repeat. But a co-worker put it perfectly.

"Thats awesome...hes kinda sleazy hot...in a trailer trash kinda way..."

Amen sister.

This is why.....

2010-08-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

....I do not buy expensive curtains.

A note to my neighbours.....

2010-08-16T08:04:00.001-07:00

Dear Neighbour,

Please do not be alarmed if you see my cat.

Please note, he:

-is not rabid
-has not been exposed to radiation
-is not sick
-is relatively healthy for all intents and purposes

He merely got badly tangled in some burs and after hours of pulling and brushing, I dealt with the situation the only way I knew how.

Sincerely, Jamie

P.S. Also, if you happen to see my significant other, please refrain from mentioning that I used his electric razor to shave the cat. Thank you very much.

This one's for you Lisa.....

2010-08-16T08:02:00.001-07:00

Aside from the downtown Owen Sound Tim Horton's location.....have you ever seen so much denim in one place?

Last Friday....

2010-08-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

.....we prepared to leave for a long weekend away at the cottage. Myself, the boy, the short one, and the two small dogs. We planned to leave around 1. But we knew better than to put too much pressure on ourselves, as we have never once hit the road on time.

This time.....a miracle occurred. We pulled out of our driveway early.

Only by a minute, yes. But normally, when we plan to take off for the 7 hour drive at 1, we are lucky to be out of the house by 2.

Don't get too excited though.

The above photo was taken after we gpot about 3 blocks away and then realized we didn't have any pillows or blankets, so we turned back.

When this photo was taken we were exactly 7 minutes down the highway (after having stopped for french fries at a chip stand, then at a garage sale and then at another convenience store to buy a magazine).

I love road trips.

"Hey, nice BIBS lady!"

2010-08-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not typically a seafood fan. The most exotic seafood I eat is fish & chips.

Last night however, we attended Lobster & Laughs. It was a Lobster & Steak dinner literally right on the beach. And it was amazing. The food, the atmosphere, the sun setting over the water. Good people. Lots of fun.

My phobia of different foods touching each other was on full display.

I pulled off the claws and gave the rest (the face?) to the boy. I was a little uncomfortable with my food watching me while I ate it.

Anyways, I'm so glad the boy dragged my sleep-deprived, cranky self off the couch and convinced me to go. I alreday can't wait for next year.

I bet you thought....

2010-08-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

....I was lying when I said I fall. A lot. My friends, I wish I were.

I'm the only person I know who can fall down a flight of stairs from a sitting position. I took out the home owner's potted plant on the way. Fortunately, I sustained only minor injuries.

Unfortunately, I was completely sober at the time.

I had the most unsettling.....

2010-07-30T03:14:00.000-07:00

.....dream last night.

I decided to get a tattoo on my back. A skull. (Look, it was a dream ok?) Anyways, I decided to try this new treatment where you get your tattoo done while floating on an air mattress in the lake. But it was very hard to stay still while doing this and the artist kept scolding me for moving and flinching.

Anyways, when he was done he held up a mirror so I could see the finished product....and I can't remember what it looked like except that it was huge, it covered my whole back, it was very bright colours and for some reason I absolutely loved it. It was even better than I had imagined. Except for one thing. Right across the middle of my back were the words:

www.imagesource.com

I asked the guy what that was all about and he said that a new law had been enacted, by which all tattoos images had to credit their source. Not unlike this image:

This dream could also have something to do with the fact that I took two Gravol and slept for a total of 10 hours yesterday.

I might try that litle trick again tonight.

I think I may have.....

2010-07-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

.....quit smoking.

I can't promise this as I've never really tried before. But I had been saving my one last cigarette for about two weeks. I'd be carrying the lonely little guy around, in an old tattered pack in my purse for at least 2 weeks. I'd probably had that pack for a month. So I've really cut down a lot in the last few years anyways. Not working at the bar anymore certainly helped.

To be fair, I haven't tested myself a whole lot either. I haven't been around any other smokers yet. And I haven't been at a party where people are smoking recently either. That has always been my downfall. I'd cut down enough so that I was pretty much only socially smoking. I would have a couple if I was out having drinks somewhere. I was never one of those people who smoked first thing in the morning. I never wanted one after eating. And I never took cigarette breaks at work (not counting the bar). So I've been pretty disciplined about it. However, for as long as I can remember, the second I have a sip of alcohol the urge to smoke is overwhelming. ("When it hits your lips, it tastes so good!" - Will Ferrell) The two pretty much went hand in hand. I started when I was 15 year sold and have never quit - or tried to quit - since then. I'm going to be 29 this fall.

Well, all that to say, I'm not going to put too much pressure on myself......but I'm going to see how it goes anyways. I finally smoked that last little guy on Friday afternoon. It was nice. But not amazing. And I actually felt a little nauseous afterwards.

I had more drinks on Saturday (don't judge, I was at the cottage).....and at one point it crossed my mind that I wished I had a cigarette....but I held out. I didn't buy any. I didn't borrow any. And I made it.

Anyways.....part of the reason that it's hard for me to quit is that it is a bit scary. It feel like smoking was one of the last bits of rebellion I could muster. It was a part of my youth. And it's one of the only part of my wild teenage years that I've hung onto. I no longer dye my hair weird colours, I no longer feel the need to pierce numerous visible & non-visible body parts. In a weird way, even though i know it's healthy to quit, I feel like it's making me old. Maybe that's why people always feel the need to tell you that they used to be a smoker. Maybe they are trying to prove something.

"Hey, do you mind if I smoke?"
"Oh, not at all....I smoked for years. Used to smoke a pack a day."

Are they trying to prove something about who they are? Maybe these weird feelings are all a part of the quitting process.

I'm probably jinxing myself by writing about it and sharing the news with everyone. Or maybe that will help. We'll see. I've never been good at setting goals for myself and sticking to them. But this is one I'd like to keep up. Wish me luck!

Happy 1st anniversary.....

2010-07-28T04:11:00.001-07:00

......to me! One year ago today, I posted my first blog entry. I can't even believe it's been a year since then. Of course, you may be thinking, "No, that can't be, this site is only a few months old."

Well, you are partially correct. I was writing this blog for a few months before I let anyone read it. Weird huh? It was very scary at first though. It was like letting some read my journal. Obviously I'm over that now. In fact, I tend to overshare information that should really be kept private. Sorry for that.

Thanks to everyone who reads what I write here at all. I love reading your comments.

And I just love blogging. Mostly because I can do it without having to talk to anyone (Hello, anti-social behaviour? I'm Jamie, nice to meet you) and while wearing sweatpants and a tube top while eating ice cream right from the tub. I mean......if I ever wanted to.

I've written before.....

2010-07-27T05:20:00.001-07:00

.....about the complex I have regarding the sharing of recipes. I believe recipes should be covetted. Kept secret. Not shared. Hoarded. Used to make one feel superior to others. To give one a sense of power when someone compliments you on a dish and the smug satisfaction that comes with knowing you are never, ever going to share the recipe with them.

That being said....I am going to share a recipe with you now. Only because, it's not technically "my" recipe. It came from a childhood friend, who shared it with her grandmother, who just happens to be our cottage neighbour. I gladly partook in this dish this past weekend. And by partook, I mean I ate half a casserole dish full.

That is beside the point. This is super easy to make. Even the boy likes it. And generally he isn't a big fan of dips. If you love chicken wings, this tastes the same, but without all the mess. It's going to be my new pot-luck party staple.

I totally plan to outshine whomever chooses to bring the old nacho dip stand-by at the next get together. Consider yourself warned ladies.

Buffalo Chicken Wing Dip
1. Spread a thick layer of cream cheese on the bottom of a large cake pan or shallow casserole dish. (Depending how big your oven-safe dish is, you may need either 1 or 2 bricks of cream cheese.)
2. Cover the cream cheese with a layer of shredded cooked chicken.
3. Sprinkle chicken with a layer of Frank's Red Hot Sauce until most of the chicken is covered. (This doesn't make it as hot as it sounds...it's more for flavour...and the cream cheese balances uot any heat.)
4. Cover with a layer of shredded cheddar cheese (old works best).
5. Cover with tin foil, and heat at 350 degrees until the top layer of cheese melts. Serve warm...with chips or pita obviously.

I've seen some other versions of this recipe that call for a layer of blue cheese dressing on top of the cream cheese. I left this out because I hate blue cheese dressing. But so an not to discriminate against any blue cheese lovers....I'm putting the idea out there for you.

However you choose to make it - you can thank me later.

If you are.....

2010-07-27T04:12:00.001-07:00

....thinking of adopting a dog as a motivator to get out and get some excercise, there is something you should know.

Sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way you want it to.

*NOTE: PLEASE IGNORE MY SHEETS. I HAVE NO GOOD EXCUSE FOR THIS EXCEPT THAT A) THIS IS THE GUEST BED AND B) I AM ABOUT 30 LOADS BEHIND ON LAUNDRY.

That is.....

2010-07-27T04:08:00.001-07:00

.....country singer Aaron Lines in the background.

And my sweatpant-clad figure in the foreground ruining someone's perfectly good photo op.

I'm back...

2010-07-26T04:02:00.000-07:00

....from the cottage.

It was a very small group this year. There were only 4 of us die-hards. But I laughed a lot. And I only cried once in the car on my way home. Homesickness. I'm such a geek. Anyways.....I think I'm not feeling as depressed and homesick now because I know I will be ehading back up to the cottage in a couple weeks. And this time the boy and the short one will be coming with me. So that will be nice. And hopefully I'll get to spend some more time with my grandparents & the family.

But I miss the college kids. Already can't wait for next year!

This coming weekend....

2010-07-19T07:18:00.000-07:00

....is my college reunion. I'm not sure how many years we've been doing this, but every summer a group of us from Algonquin College's radio broadcasting program get together for a weekend at my grandparents cottage.

It's pretty much the only time I see all of these people at once. We've got to be going on 10 years now, counting the 2 years we were in college. The group varies between 6 and 20 people. It seems to get smaller every year....but I love these guys.

I just saw Lisa a month ago when she visited Owen Sound. She is my sense-of-humour-soul-mate. She pretty much knew everything about me during our 2-year college stint....and she is still my friend. So bonus points for her.

Last year while showing off her squat thrusting ability, she slipped off the dock and down a rocky cliff into the water. Followed by a violent vomitting spell which lasted about 10 minutes. Then she went right back to the cottage punch. She's a trooper.

Then there's Vassy. On really has to meet Vass to fully understand him. One time in college, Vassy walked in on me in a very compromising position in one of the studios. He's never let me forget it.

And Brad.....I'm totally sad that Brad won' tbe able to make it this year. But I'm secretly hoping he will show up and surprise us like he did the one year when he drove 12 hours from the east coast just to be there for the weekend. Hint, hint.

Edge.....if I ever have kids, I want Edge to be their godfather. Which is wrong on so many levels. But that is another story.

I can't count on him for harsh advice and brutal honesty at all times, in all facets of my life, including, but not limited to, relationships, career choices, living arrangements and wardrobe decisions.

Last but not least is Morrow. Morrow makes me laugh with almost everything that come sou tof his mouth and I will probably have an innocent crush on him for the rest of my life. Awkward. Don't tell him I said that.

Of course, this isn't everyone. Erika, Colin, Shanna, Meesh.....everyone.

We can go a year without even speaking to each other....and then upon arriving at Bob's Lake we immediately revert back to the moronic drunken immature kids we were when we first met. And I need that once in a while. \

Here's to another year of memories, over-consumption, cottage punch, and making fun of thsoe not in attendance. See you in a week.

Saturday....

2010-07-19T07:15:00.000-07:00

...the Mix 106.5 No-Stars participated in the Sunset Beach Volleyball Festival.

We were told we had been signed up for the non-competitive league. Judging by the skills demonstarted by our competitors, I doubt this was the case.

This photo was perhaps the only professional looking thing we did all day.

Today is a double whammy.....

2010-07-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

....for me when it comes to the tabloids.

Here is what I discovered on usmagazine.com

Vince Vaughn to be a Dad!
Vince Vaughn and wife Kyla Weber are expecting their first child, a source tells UsMagazine.com. The actor, 40, wed Weber, a Canadian real estate agent, this past January outside his hometown of Chicago. They got engaged last Valentine's Day.

And on People.com

Inside Carrie Underwood's Sparkly Southern Wedding!
For her July 10 wedding to Canadian hockey player Mike Fisher, 30, the country queen, 27, opted for a Chantilly lace and silk organza Monique Lhuillier gown. But after the ceremony, the bride promptly changed into a strapless Lhuillier cocktail dress.

I just love.....

2010-07-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

.....listener feedback.

"Here is my honest feedback on the new Mix 106. The new music, variety is really good. Jamie Johnston is TERRIBLE. Her voice is annoying and she sounds like a total ditz. The male DJs are so much better. Johnston does not hold a candle."

Thanks to Jessica Visel for your honest and endearing comments! Always appreciated! If anyone knows this lovely lady, please pass along my thanks for her kindhearted remarks.

And last week.....

"What the hell is going on with your announcers these days? They sound like a bunch of immature, idiotic twelve year olds."

I love my job.

I had.....

2010-07-08T06:58:00.001-07:00

....so much fun co-hosting the morning show with Johnny Gardhouse this morning. And had a special phoner from comedian Nikki Payne who is currently at home on the east coast, but will be arriving in Owen Sound for the Comedy Festival this Saturday. She has a little dog names Emilio Estevez. I love her.

Tomorrow, I will be joined again by Johnny Gardhouse as well as Chuck Byrne. I already can't wait. Tune if if you like and listen live at www.mix1065.ca