The boy....

....just asked ME to get something off the hard-to-reach top shelf. It's moments like these that really bolster my sense of being petite and feminine.

Overheard at work....

1. I hate when my glasses get tangled in my mullet. 2. Looking at her paycheque gives me salary bulimia. 3. You're like the character from Mean Girls. The mean one. 4. I get a lot more work done when you're not here. It's quiet.

To the person....

....who designed my home's only bathroom by placing a full length mirrored shower door directly across from the toilet. Fuck you. Really? Who F'ing does that?

It should come....

....as no surprise to anyone that a solid, well-rounded adult probably had a fairly normal, happy childhood and adolescence. Here is a snapshot from my youth, circa 1992, followed by some choice comments from my nearest & dearest, who upon viewing this photo for the first time, were not shy in sharing their reactions. Please tell me you were in your "leonardo dicaprio - romeo" phase? - Former co-worker I think its adorable that you guys look like old-timey Amish sisters. - My Uncle ♫ Purple rain! Puuurrrple raaaain! ♫ - Close friend Wow. I think I am going to break up with you. - My Boyfriend Who's that hot androgynous guy in the puffy shirt? It's like The Cure meets Johnny from Catwalk. - Another close friend

How's that for Grim? Happy Monday.

I bridged the gap....

....between "productive/innovative" and "weird/sad" when I handmade a dog bed I saw on Pinterest this past weekend. And yes, I realize I am one step away from being someone who knits sweaters for cats. If you have ever wondered what your dog's depression expression would look like, I could make your pet a dog bed too so you could find out.

About 3 seconds....

.....in I realized the VHS copy of Dr. Doolittle 2 that we had picked up this past summer for Portia was in fact not very child-friendly after all. I may have just stumbled across one of the glaringly obvious drawbacks of garage sale purchases. On a sidenote....anyone need a VHS copy of Kaytel Video's "Lesbos"?

A "finger quotes" recap....

....of the weekend.

"We are so out of our league. I own pairs of underwear bigger than those girls shorts." Said to my co-worker upon getting our asses handed to us during a supposedly "non-competitive" volleyball tournament.

"Do you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice?" My friend Jenn, uppon hearing me recite the exact same speil, for the 11th time in a row, to a group of winners coming in the fron tdoor of the Superbowl party. Me, without hesitation:
"No."

"Oliver's gas smells like that of a million demons." A slightly incoherent, half asleep text to my brother after being awoken by a farting dog.

"Where were you this morning?"
"Um...work."
"What time did you go in at?"
"Seven. That's what time I start at now."
"Oh. You probably told me about this didn't you?"
Exchange between the Boy & I this morning which indicates we may need to improve our mad communication skillz.

"Take off your shirt!" A heckler at the Wiarton Willie festival. Unsure if this was directed at me, or my male co-worker.