Sore loser

So I didn't win the workplace costume contest. But my boss told me I should have. Maybe next year.

I need one of these right?

I REALLY want a Capuchin monkey. I think if the boy bought me a monkey I would neevr want to have kids. Just monkeys. But they live to be 50 years. So I need to put some serious thought into this.

Also, I decided to dress as kate Gosselin for Halloween. I know, everyone is doing it...but I needed a costume that was cheap & easy (not unlike Jon Gosselin) because I only found out about this workplace costume contest yesterday. And I have a dog hike planned for after work this evening....so I needed something that could be taken off quickly.

I'll put up some pics later. Right now, I'm going to string my 8 little Korean baby dolls together.

My friend Jenn just sent me this link. It's the 2009 Photos of the Year from National Geographic.

http://www.fourwinds10.com/siterun_data/spiritual/pictures/news.php?q=1245101530

My favourites are:

-The kissing moose
-The baby polar bear
-The baby penguin (penguins are my FAVOURITE)
-And the seal because the little one reminds me of Lola.

The bear with the bee is pretty cute too. And the fox. Ok, I'm done.

Anyways, if you're a fan of the National Georgraphic style of photography you'll love them all!

The boy is coming home tonight after another week away. So is the little person. Time to make her dress up in her ADORABLE Halloween costume and go snap happy with the camera (see photos below). And Deb is coming over for a wine-filled girls night. It'll be so nice to spend an evening with actual PEOPLE again. Nothing against the dogs. But the conversation is a little slow. And they don't like when I try to paint their nails. And don't even get me started on the wine. Trying to get them to use a wine glass is a disaster.

Do you ever lie in bed at night and think back over all your exes in order of chronology? Do only I do this? It's kind of like counting sheep....before you know it, you've drifted off to sleep.

I was doing this the other night....and I started thinking about random dates I had had with people. Not people I've dated...just dates. The bad ones. Here are the 3 worst dates I can remember:

3. I went on a blind date. Only it wasn't totally blind. We had been given each other's email addresses prior to meeting so we chatted online before we actually met. We made plans to meet after work for drinks one day. Unfortunately, the night prior was when I had the infamous "dye job incident".

http://discocowgirl.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-dyed-my-hair-for-first-time-in-about.html

I was tempted to cancel, but I went anyways, hoping he wouldn't notice my hair was 6 inches shorter than it had been in the photo I sent him. And black. And that I had dark dye stains all over my eras and neck. Anyways....I got there first and waited. As soon as he showed up I wanted to bail. But I was in an enclosed patio area and co9uldn't escape. he was not at all what I had pictured. And not at all how he looked in his photo. Ok, fair is fair...I probably don't look how I looked in my photo either. Unfortunately this guy had also developped a serious attitude problem in the 24 hours since I'd last spoken to him. He barely smiled when we met, he insisted on ordering food even though we had earlier agreed we'd just meet for drinks. So he sat and stuffed his face and barely spoke to me while I sat there sipping on my beer. He was completely lacking a personality. I barely remember what he said, and it was like pulling teeth getting him to talk. The worst part about the whole date was this face-stuffing, no personality 400-pound ignorant douche treated me as if he was unipressed with me! What a blow to my then already-iffy ego! I still think this is why I have an aversion to Boston Pizza.

2. I had a crush on this guy that used to come into my bar. He was quiet and polite and kept mostly to himself and never flirted with anyone. Let me share some words of wisdom with you ladies....I looked at all these qualities and filled in the blanks with imaginary traits I believed him to possess. "He's probably also smart and sensitive and mature", I thought. Do not ever do this. Quiet does not necessarily equal sensitive & smart & sweet. This guy finally asked me out on a date. After our date, I decided I was wrong about him and that I would never go out with him again. Unfortunately, he decided to start showing up at my house in the middle of the night after leaving the bar with a full night of beer drinking behind him. That is all besides the point. Here are the highlights from that first date:

Him: "What's wrong, do I not turn you on?" (His query after I gently rebuffed his advances....on our first and only date)

Him: "Yeah, I kinda collect knives."

Him: "I'm a redneck, I admit it."

Him: "I hear you're looking for a roomate. Do you think I could be your roomate?" He was serious.

1. The all time daddy of bad dates. I got set up on a blind date. My first ever. (And second last one too.) Anyways, it was a friend's cousin, and since this friend was setting us up he offered to have me for dinner at his place to meet him (oh yeah, I should mention he was recently seperated from his wife and living in my friend's basement). So while at first it sounded like a good idea, having his cousin there as a buffer, it also felt like a family sit down formal holiday meal or something.

Within 5 minutes of meeting him....

Him: "I think I really like you."
Him: "I know we just met, but would you be my date for my staff Christmas Party in 2 weeks?"

Within an hour of meeting him.....

Him: "I really like you. I'm so glad we did this."
Him: "Do you ever want to have kids?"
Him: "So you own a house? Good for you! Do you think you could ever see me living there with you?"

GAHHH!!!! Oh, I may have also failed to mention that this guy gave me the tour of his "room"...aka, the basement. His bedroom looked like my uncle's dorm room bac k in 1978. And I also discovered he collected American Eagles. There was a giant eagle draped flag hung above his bed, eagle posters, ceramic eagle figurines.....and the kicker was....

Him: "Check this out!" as he whipped out his gold chain with the Eagle charm. Enough said.

Ok seriously...I had to give up on that KD.....it was too much.

I made a potentially unwise decision while preparing my lunch this morning. I have NO groceries at home so I made Kraft Dinner to take to work with me. I also put Jamaican Habanero Hot Sauce on it. There was my mistake.

2 years ago today....

...I was hit on by a drunk guy in a dirty bar...and subsequently swept off my feet. Helloooooo, romance.

While, based on my desciption, you may think this is when that photo was taken, it was not. this is just a random photo. But seriously, it's been a wonderful two years. We went out for dinner to celebrate on Saturday night since the boy had to leave again to go out of town all this week. Before he left though he snuck off to the flea market and bought me two antique chairs that I liked.

I got him....nothing. You see, we had decided not to buy gifts for each other. What with Christmas coming up. But only I actually stuck by that decision. However, I do have a surprise early Christmas gift for him that I will be giving him in 2 weeks when we go to Ottawa. I am takin ghim to the Sens game on the Saturday night. I may be just as excited as he is. Um, there is also one little problem with this. I am a Sens fan. He is not. But it's the thought that counts, right?

Also, not to be overlooked today, it happens to be the 75th birthday of my favourite woman on the planet. Marmy. Happy Birthday Marm. I love you so much!

We just had puppies on the Mix Morning Zoo this morning. Sigh....they were so cute.

But now it smells like poop in the studio. And everytime someone comes in I feel like I have to tell them right away that there were puppies in here this mornign and that i swhy it smells like poop. I don't want them to think it's me.

Since I'm going through old photo folders...

....I also found this one.

This is my dog Lux on the day that I met him at the shelter. He is a very bad dog and sometimes I think he is giving me ulcers. But how could I say no to those ears?

Neighbours

I think I've mentioned before that the town that I live in a town a little bit like "Twin Peaks". Many time it just feels like you are living in a very weird, very surreal and very bizarre dream. Here are some photos I recently found of some local treasures.

Exhibit A:

Look carefully at this woman's shirt and you will notice...it's not her shirt. That is her gut.

Exhibit B:

This is a regular customer at the pub I work at. In this picture he is getting violently ill. Shortly after this was taken he went back inside and finished his beer.

Exhibit C:

I don't know what to say about this.

Sure I could stand to lose a few pounds BUT......

This is a plea to the denim companies....please make a jean with a reinforced thigh. Certainly I can't be the only one with this "wear-out" problem.

Mommies....read this and smile.

A former co-worker, old friend and fellow blogger is expecting her first bebe. Now Jenn is adorable, funny, strong & smart. I haven't seen her in years but we keep in touch the way everyone does these days...by reading Facebook and blogs. Anyways, she posted this hilarious entry recently...and I think all of my mommy-friends will be able to relate to this.

http://blog.rogersbroadcasting.com/jennifercampbell/2009/10/13/viewer-discretion-is-advised-on-this-one-folks-32-weeks-pregnant-means/

I took the step-daughter to Walmart a couple weeks back to get a Halloween costume. She picked out a Snow White dress. I got her some white gloves and a little tiara. I know Snow White doesn't wear a tiara...but seriously, cute kid in a tiara...give me a break, how was I supposed to resist. Anyways, the costume is adorable and she looks super cute. I can't wait to go all psycho-mommy and take pictures of her in it.

It's a way nicer costume than I ever had as a kid. And probably most people my age. My mother, god bless her....but I will never forget the year I wanted to go as a rock star...and my mom, in an attempt to make my costume, somehow fell off track midway through and before I knew it, I was being told I was now going as Peter Pan.

That actually happened.

Seriously, watch this.

Oh sweet Jesus....

My brother just emailed me:

Subject: i found a spider last night‏
From:Tyler Johnston
Sent: October 20, 2009 3:21:30 PM
To: Jamie Johnston

What the hell?!

So all the announcers have submitted their pumpkins. Vote online at http://www.mix106.ca/ for your favourite. You can vote once per day between now & Thursday, October 29th. Every time you vote, you get one ballot in the grand prize draw for a basket of candy courtesy of The Candy Store in Owen Sound (valued at over $100!) Here are a couple of photos...one of all the announcer's pumpkins (just to be fair, ugh) and one of my pumpkin.

Me: "So what are you going to carve your pumpkin as for the Announcer Pumpkin Carving Challange?"
Co-worker: " Um, I'm not sure...I was thinking a pirate."
Me: "That is a great idea. You will probably get lots of votes just because kids like pirates. Pirates & vampires are really hot right now."
Co-worker: "Ohh, a vampire. That is a good idea too. I should try to carve Robert Pattinson's likeness."
Me: "I'd vote for you."

I think I'm missing the point of the competition.

The 73 Days of Christmas.....

I've decided to stop collecting Christmas stuff. Wooden wall hangings, knick-knacks, ornaments, trays......you get it.

See, normally I can't help myself. If I see ANYHTHING Christmas related at yard sales or giveaway day...I have to have it. When Dollarama puts out their Christmas stuff in September....I almost pee my pants with glee. I don't even end up putting half the stuff up during the holidays cause it would require me to move things aorund and result in extra clutter...both are not good for my OCD. From now on I'm only going to be collecting these Santas. You know, they are about afoot tall, they come in all different themes..usually somehting folksy. I'm going to stay away form the elaborate flowery, shiny ones. Kinda like that one on thr right up there. I'm not sure abou tthat guy. So yeah....I have 3 now. And I'm going to keep going. The boy is going to love this. (Um, but don't tell him, ok?)

Anyways, I've been on a Christmas kick lately. I know, it's not even Halloween for crying out loud. But somehitng inside me has clicked and I'm in the zone. I called Marmy last night to get her shortbread recipe. She make sthe best shortbread on the planet. I only just foun dou tthat the recipe she uses is actually her husband (Gampy)'s mother's recipe. So my great grandmother's. I like that.

I'm submitting the recipe for a station cookbook this year. I'm probably also going to use it if I participate in the dreaded cookie exchange again. Last year I felt the need to top all my co-workers so instead of something simple, I decided to try out a brand new recipe.......Skor Cheescake Bars. Next to impossible to make, extremely time consuming and EXPENSIVE. Especially when you have to make SIX DOZEN of those little suckers. God. Such a bad idea in retrospect.

I've been making the list of who I need to shop for. And jotting down ideas.

I have the holiday travel planned......The boy's family at our house on Christmas Eve (all 28 of them) and then up bright & early on Christmas Day for the 7 hour drive to my hometown. I might re-think this plan.

Oh, and for some reason I agreed to research and possibly put myself in charge of creating 25 centrepieces for the staff Christmas Party. I have a few good ideas...but why do I do this to myself, you ask? I don't know. I must be trying to make up for something very bad I've done during the months leading up to December 25th. Sigh.

The Announcer Pumpkin Carving Contest

So I never could have imagined I'd get so into this challenge. It's basically what it sounds like. All us announcers will carve a pumpkin....we'll take photos of them and upload them to the station website....listeners vote on their favourite. Everyone who casts a vote is enetered into the grand prize draw of $100 basket of candy. The winning announcer gets bragging rights. So at first I set my sights pretty low........

Cute right? It's Scooby Doo. And it also bears an uncanny resemblance to one of my dogs.

ut I mean, I'm up against some creative people...some with warped minds.....(we're radio people after all) and that trait could lend itself well to pumpkin carving. So I started looking through websites devoted to professional pumpkin carving championships....and let me say...those were some incredible pumpkins. And wayyyyy beyong what I know I am capable of doing. Here's just a sample. See?

Anyways, these are just a small fraction of some of the AMAZING pumpkins I found online. Some of the ideas people couldn't came up with, I couldn't even believe. It makes me jealous of some people's creativity.


So...I did some more searching, hoping to find something middle-ground-ish. Something that I can do without going to pumpkin carving school...but something that would be a little more impressive than your standard triangle eyes and crooked mouth. I'm thinking along these lines:










Something creative but not too hard to do. There's nothin gin the rules about not being allowed to use props. And I should know...I made the rules.


I have a few other ideas too.....but while I was searching I also found a great idea for any of you who like to do something crafty and beautiful during the holidays. I usually associate Christmas with beautiful home decor.....but I came across these. Who would've thought? Aren't they great?!

I also saw some beautiful pumpkins with just 3 round holes cue...one for the mouth, two for the eyes, no details.....and then painted all white. Then you put tealights in them and line them up on a mantel or shelf. Such a simple idea...but so pretty. Why can't I ever think of these things?

Ok...I'm not Martha Stewart....so I will probably never get around to doing this. But it's nice to pretend that I was considering it.

I really have nothing to write about today. It's been a whirlwind of a Thanksgiving weekend. But nothing out of the ordinary....lots of family (even an unexpected visit from my stepmom & stepsister who were visiting from my hometown), lots of food, a surprise call from my borther in California, a great concert, and tons of time spent at work. Which is the only yucky part of the whole weekend. In fact, I'm at work now. Yup, I got the short straw and have to work this holiday Monday. I don't mind. It's nice & quiet here today and I can get a lot done.

I hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving weekend. And any of you American folk....hope you just had a nice ole regular weekend.

Oh, before I go....this is why I love talking to my brother. It was precisely 7 seconds into a long distance phone call before I had him dissolved into laughter.

Also in the course of the conversation he told me he thinks I've contracted "the swine". Also, know as swine flu...or H1N1. One thing that sucks about having a brother who is a nurse. Paranoia. Then we laughed about me being quarantined in the hospital (potentially the result of small town hysteria and overreaction) and having my hospital room swarmed by reporters. And being forced to wear a mask and being treated like a freak. Only my brother would get all this and find it equally as funny as I do.

To anyone who knows me, I do not have H1N1. Let me assure you, I am just gettign over a bad flu. I swear.

Happy Thanksgiving weekend!

Ok...it's been a few days. I was dying with the flu. Well, not dying. But I sure felt like I was. I even seriously considered wehther I cpould have caught "the pandemic"....the dreaded SWINE FLU! But I think I'm over the worst of it.

The boy was genius. He didn't annoy me once the entire time. He didn't dance around the house in his boxers, he didn't sing the same line of a song over and over at the top of his lungs (ok, he did last night, but I did say I'm over the worst of it so I let it go). Anyways, he oozed tenderness and compassion and he waited on me hand and foot for 3 days and never got tired of it or annoyed with me. I have much to learn in the compassion department, and I could learna good bit of it from that boy.

Anyways, if you are ever off sick....and are home bored, with nothing to do.....check out of of my FAVOURITE webbsites. Specifically the "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels" story. Hours will FLY by. I promise you. Girls, you will melt.
www.thepioneerwoman.com

I am sure hoping by Sunday that I am no longer a snotty, sickly mess. (Sorry, gross, I know). I have to MC a concert....Johnny Reid. Sigh.....he is a country artist.....but he's so much more than country. His songs are country, rock, soul, R&B...all combined. If you are not a fan of country music, never fear....he is really not what you'd expect. Plus he is friggin adorable. And he has the most delicious Scotish accent. Yup, you'll die. Oh, and to top it all off, he is the sweetest, warmest most genuine man. Ok, I'm quite obviously gushing. But he is just one of those musicians that othe rmusicians should take a cue from. He makes a point to remember people's faces & names. he makes time for everyone. Ok....I'm done. The boy is SOOO looking forward to attending this event with me and watching me fawn and giggle and stare and go tongue tied. No he's not. But I can't wait.

www.johnnyreid.com

I won't be makin git home to Ottawa for the holiday this weekend....but the boy's Mom will be putting on a fabulou sspread. And I've got plans to meet up early with the sister-in-law for lots of pre-dinner red wine. Have a super Thanksgiving weekend everyone!

Yes or no?

So I bought what I thought would be a really comfortable and cute pair of shoes, perfect for fall. and I was super excited cause they were only $22! This was our coversation in the shoe aisle at Walmart.

Me: "Here they are, these are the ones."

The Boy: "Hm."

Me: "You don't like them?"

The Boy (pointing at a pair of , ugh, running shoes): "I like these ones."

Me: "But you don' tlike these ones?"

The Boy: " Um, yeah, maybe if Marmy was wearing them."

Marmy is my grandmother.

I bought them anyway, and I still think they are cute but I'm also very self conscious about my feet now.

I am sick today...probably from spending most of the weekend in the rain. BUT, this little piggy made it all worth it.

He was in the Scarecorw parade on Friday night. His name is Fly. Cute, right?

Cute & Funny & Sad all at once

This is so something I would video tape as well.

This guy picked the WRONG house to bust into....

Clark: Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things.
Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

This happened a few months ago.....

It was around supper time and I was cleaning up, doing some sweeping. The boy & his cousin were watching tv. Suddenly I heard a rattle and a little thump behind me...when I turned around to look at the spot I had been sweeping just moments before, there was a little red squirrel. You see, we were in the middle of renovations and this little guy must have been lookin gfor a place to hide his food and once having crawled unde rthe roof, it would have been too late for him to realize there was no ceiling to stop him from falling right in. Now he was a little stunned because he just looked at me for a minute. I very calmly announced to the boys "There is a squirrel in the house". When the boys jumped up and came, so did all 3 dogs.....and a cat. That is when all hell broke loose. Think National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (one of my favourite movies of all time by the way). The squirrel went running through the house for cover, with 3 dogs and the boy in hot pursuit. All I could envision was ou rborrowed 48" flat screen tv coming crashing down. Anyways, at one point I screamed at the boy's cousin to grab the cat and get it outside......the dogs were circlin gthe couch, the boy had grabbed a BB gun and I had on a pair of over mitts. there were cries of "DON'T SHOOT!", "Watch my face!", "Where is it?", "the dogs are going to eat it!", "Put that god**** gun AWAY!" and then "Fine, throw me the oven mitts!"

Then, moving quicker than I could ever hope to do, the boy grabbed the squirrel and ran for the patio. "Get that door OPEN!" With the dogs in hot pursuit, the squirrel was ushered to the edge of the deck and launched to safety in the hedge.

Phew. Done.

Until a few minutes later when the boy's cousin looked out on the deck.

"Um, I think your cat caught something."

You have got to be kidding me.

You survived a 10 foot fall, 3 dogs, being shot at...but when it's your time to go, it's your time to go.

R.I.P. Twinkles.

Oh lordy, am I ever glad hockey season is back. The boy is still away so I think I might go out tonight, on my own, get a beer and watch some of the games. (Wow, I just re-read that and realize I cound like a man.) Anywho, my team isn't playing tonight.....I'm just happy to see the return of hockey season.

You know you shop at Ikea too much when the only tools you own are allen keys. Sigh.