I pretended....

....to feign interest while in the last 20 minutes 5 co-workers have asked me if I know where my boss is, as apparently they need him to discuss very important business matters. I, on the other hand, am only concerened about his whereabouts because:
a) I need to tell him that I want to leave early today
b) he is bringing me a Strawberry Cheesequake Blizzard (clearly, I have no qualms about working in exchange for Dairy Queen.)

P.S. On an unrelated note, I've spent the last 15 minutes of my work day Googling "vodka cocktail ideas".

It's a wonder I still have a job.

Have you seen....

....this Grade 6 boy? He totally busts out an AMAZING rendition of Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi".



He was also scheduled to appear on Ellen today I belive.

Also, watch the girls in the back row. You can tell they are the popular girls in school. They probably never gave this kid the time of day....but they start to warm u phalfway through his song. This kid has no idea how much 11 year old girl lovin he is about to get now.

If was 19 years younger I would so be putting the moves on him.

......and cue the award for "Most Innapropriate Thing I've Ever Said".

I almost just signed....

......off on a work-related email to a colleague with:

Thanks,
Jamie xo

That would have been really awkward. I need to stop emailing co-workers immediately after emailing my Mom.

Don't get me wrong....

....I love me some Gary Busey (Point Break, anyone?) I mean, that guy is certifiably insane. Which is why I prefer to see him playing out his psychotic tendencies onscreen instead of giving me the crazy eye when I log onto people.com

Infant child = pretty cute
Gary Busey = F'ing nuts



Wow.

A recap.....

.....of yesterday in photos:

Here is my little Lola. Doesn't she look happy to be going on a roadtrip with us?



She almost looks angelic. If you look closely you may notice the soft glow of innocent bliss most puppies exude.

You see, up until now, she had no idea she was going in to get her lady bits cut off.



I tried to calm her down by telling her lots of canines have hysterectomies. It's fairly common for dogs her age. Nothing to panic about.

I told her that just in case something does go wrong, we should get a final photo of ourselves together, for posterity sake.



That didn't make her feel any better.

Anyways, we dropped her off at the vet and realized we had exactly 9 hours to kill in a strange city on a non-existent budget. So we decided to tap into our redneck genes and camp in the back of the van in the middle of the city.



We planned it well. We had a mattress, cooler, snacks, books and a change of clothes. I made myself pretty comfy.



There were two very tame squirrels. I named them Alejandro & Henry. They really like President's Choice decadent chocolate chunk cookies. Here they are eating them.



I fed them a whole lot of cookies. I sure hope they aren't diabetic.



Then we went and picked up Lola. She was pretty bummed. And maybe a little mad at me.



But I let her sit in my lap all the way home and we played.......



.....Peek-A-Boo with her head cone.



We stopped at Burger King since we don't have one in our town. It was a big day. We ordered a burger to share and the boy was nice enough to order it without pickles, relish, ketchup, mayo, tomatoes & lettuce so I would eat it.

It's called an "Angry Whopper". It should be called the Pleasant & Delicious Whopper because that is what it was.

Sometimes I forget....

....that on rare occasions, people actually read what I blog about here.

And sometimes I forget that family members, some of whom haven't seen me in years, check in on here from time to time.

And sometimes I forget that said family members then get talking to my Mom.

This morning my Mom emailed to inform me one of my aunts had read my blog.

Which prompted me to send the following response to my Mom.

"Well, if you are talking to her tell her I apologize for my use of profanity (and especially sorry for the rampant use of the terms "douchebag" and "ditch pig")."

I should start editing some of my entries before posting them. But I won't. (And sorry Lorri!)

When I started....

....this blog I made a conscious decision to try to keep it light, humourous and positive, and to avoid complianing about my life in general. Well, I am about to re-neg on all of that. Feel free to skip to the next entry. You've been warned.

So we had a house showing scheduled at 11:30 this morning. Ok, so far we've been lucky, all but on eother showing has been scheduled in the evenings when we're already home so I didn't want to complain. I did most of the tidying up this morning so that when I got home today, all I had to do was get the dogs rounded up. Well, I spent the first 10 minutes of being home lighting scented candles, turning on lamps and hiding the dirty dishes in the oven.

It's now 11:22 and I'm panicking. They could be here any minute and I don't have the dogs ready yet. I let Lola out of her crate....and I'll let you guess what was all over her little paws....which she then tracked across my clean floors in her excitement.

This is when I started to cry. Nothing hardcore, just tearing up a little. So, while gagging and trying to breathe through my mouth, I followed her trail around the house, all purpose cleaner in one hand, paper towels in the other.

Then I could only find two leashes. This is a problem because I have four dogs. So I had to resort to using the 20-foot long leashes that had been triple knotted to the deck of our home. This took about 10 minutes. While the dogs barked. While I panicked. And cried some more.

Finally, we set out on our way. A lovely 45-minute, sweat & profanity filled walk through the bush with 4 dogs getting excess leash tangled in trees, all while wearing my work clothes.

After what I thought was more than enough time we headed home. Only to realize the realtor had never even shown up. And to top it off, I realized I had to walk my lazy ass all the way back to work.

Wait, it gets better.

A few blocks from home a black cat crossed the sidewalk a few feet in front of me. It ran out into the road and almost got hit by a truck.

I assured myself the cat probably wasn't all black, therefore cancelling out the superstition about it being bad luck.

"Here kitty, kitty."

The cat came running right over and rubbed up against my leg. As I bent down to pet it, this cat has only one friggin eye.

I'm not even making this up.