Wednesday, December 30, 2009

My grandma Lee.....

....actually bought me a Snuggie for Christmas. No joke. She got one for my mom too, and, as a result, I'm assuming my aunt was also a lucky recipient.

The best part.....I got the Zebra-print edition.

Welcome back....

....from Christmas. I am super-excited that I only have to work today & tomorrow an dthen I am off for another long weekend. As a result however, I don't have much to write about.

I do want to thank Super Burger in Shelburne for making gigantic, delicious onion rings which sustained me for the final hour of the 8-hour trip home. Keep up the good work Super Burger (that Champ Burger across the street is no threat to you at all).

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Ok, really, last post....

.....before the holidays. I am hosting approximately 20 people for Christmas Eve dinner tonight (90% of them it seems are under the age of 6). Then we are Ottawa-bound tomorrow, on Christmas Day.

I am so excited. And so happy. And did I mention excited? Can't wait to be in my grandma's house looking at her tree.

I have some Merry Christmas greetings to mention. Bear with me.

Merry Christmas to my family - the boy's family here in Owen Sound who will be invading my home in a few hours. The two short ones, B & T. My family, both here and in Ottawa, who I can't wait to see in the next few days. (Except for my brother & SIL....hi guys....I don't feel sorry for you not being able to make it home for Christmas because you lucky brats live in California. So suck it up buttercups.) Merry Christmas to an angel/nephew who is going to look after the two big dogs while we are gone.

Merry Christmas to my co-workers....somedays work would be unbearable without you. Merry Christmas to some of my former co-workers as well, now lifelong friends. Other people that I deal with in any work capacity through the year - especially those of you working at other stations across the country - enjoy the well earned holidays. Thanks for your inspiration, support, collaborations and advice.

To the Jason's crew & the pub girls....CHEERS! See you tonight!

My puppies....they may as well be my furry, 4-legged children.

The boy. Who got up and made me breakfast this morning. Who is working on the to-do list I left him. Who puts up with me every day. And pretends to enjoy it.

Merry Christmas to my friends. Especially those back home who I only get to see once or twice a year. But who mean the world to me. Who I can pick up with where we left off and despite marriages and babies and breakups....we can still act like idiots and tell the same jokes we've been telling for the last 10 years. To those friends who are celebrating their first Christmas with new babies....or those hoping to be celebrating with a new baby by this time next year!

To anyone who stops by to read this blog from time to time....I don't know why you do, but thank you for making the time I spend rambling about stuff worthwhile.

Anyways.......Merry Christmas to all.....and to all a good last-day-of-work.

Safe & happy holidays!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

One more thing....

....before I go.

Apparently "Joe" wasn't quite satisfied with his last holiday greeting.

http://discocowgirl.blogspot.com/2009/12/sounds-like-this-caller.html

So he called in again today. Unedited & uncut....awkward pauses and all.

http://www.gabcast.com/index.php?a=episodes&id=32939

Happy Holidays!

Why do people drink egg nog?

No one should want to drink anything made primarily of eggs. And the word "nog"? Could they have chosen a more unappealing name for a beverage? Just say it out loud. NOG. NOOOGGGGG. Ew. Gross.



Did you know that the French translation of egg nog is Chicken Milk. Think about that for a minute if you will. "Ahh, barkeep, just give me a big ole glass of that there chicken milk." Maybe "egg nog" is the lesser of two evils. I don't wanna even know how you get milk from a chicken.



I don't know who this person is but I stumbled across a great blog entry about egg nog. It perfectly sums up how I feel and it's comforting to know someone else is as offended by egg nog as I am.

http://www.arnoldspeaks.com/2006/12/my-story-about-egg-nog-by-arnold.html

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

This is the sound.....

...of a million hearts breaking in Ottawa.

My lovely Number 12 is engaged.



To her.



Congrats to the happy couple!

(Mike, sugar lamb, if this doesn't work out, call me, mmkay?)

This may be....

....the cutest thing ever.



Happy Monday.

The perils of....

...baking before one is entirely awake:



First degree burns at 7:45 a.m. That'll teach me for trying to be domestic.

For you animal lovers....

...check out this link. The 10 strangest animal stories of 2009.


http://www.peoplepets.com/photos/strange/the-10-weirdest-animal-stories-of-2009/1

Now does anyone know where I would find a cat with angel wings? Oh...here we go:

Friday, December 18, 2009

I think I finally did it....

...I may have completed my first newspaper crossword puzzle. I say "may" because I need to check the answers when I get home. (Giant geek, I know. But I set the bar low, then I am constantly achieving my goals.)

Those suckers are tough. I'll admit I got stuck on one clue (Pocket bread is a "pita" of course, duh) but thankfully one of my lovely bar patrons shocked me by busting out the answer without a second though. Other than that, it was all me.

Proof:

I've been a little slow....

....getting into the holiday spirit this year so I asked people to tell me about their favourite Christmas memories. I have lots of great ones so I thought by people sharing some of theirs, it would make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And it did....until my friend Amanda emailed me her Christmas memory.

"I treasure the memory of you getting blitzed at the staff Christmas party and taking open wine bottles from the other tables and putting them in a gift bag for the cab ride downtown."

Obviously Amanda missed the point of this excercise.

Disclaimer: This was a long time ago. The wine was paid for, so it wasn't really stealing. It was ensuring everyone got their money's worth and it did not go to waste.

Fortunately, I've gotten my act together since then. And with the exception of the following year's staff Christmas party when I wrestled the General Manager out of his tie and wrapped it around my head Rambo-style to take to the dance floor, nowadays, you would hardly even know I was there.

So here goes....

...my first try at linking to audio. Enjoy this snippet from a semi-regular caller to the radio station.

(Just copy & paste this link into your browser. Then hit "Play." I'm so technologically stunned that it'll be a miracle if this works.)

http://www.gabcast.com/index.php?a=episodes&id=32939

Someone hook a girl up with whatever this guy is on please.

The bane of my existence.....

....are my man-hands. Ever since college, when my best friend so delicately brought them to my attention, I knew they were going to be a problem. (She has man hands too, just for the record.) I've discovered it's best to just come to terms with it and move on.

I do my best to keep my nails painted, or I give myself the ole French Manicure every once in a while to tone down the rampant testosterone that seems to course through my digits....but I've been slacking off lately.

Last night a customer at the bar even commented on them.

Customer: "You have big hands."
Me: "I know. And you can leave."
Customer: "Are you serious?"
Me: "Were you serious when you said I have big hands?"
Customer: "Well...you do."
Me: "Yeah, I was serious when I told you to get out."

Now, to be fair, it was closing time anyways.

Let this be a lesson....only people also burdened with the dreaded man-hands syndrome should ever comment on a fellow man-hander's extremeties.



Back off guys.....sorry, I'm taken.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Don't you hate....

....when you are about to fall asleep and then you dream that you are falling so you flinch and then wake yourself up? Anyone?

*crickets*

This thing on?

Alice in Wonderland....

....is easily one of the most unsettling, disturbing, horrifying children's movies of all time. In my opinion. Who ever thought that material was appropriate for children?? An evil queen who spends the duration of the movie trying to behead the protagonist? Drug-induced hallucinations? That insane character at the tea party? Jesus. I get the shivers just thinking about it.

Anyways, all that being said, the upcoming Tim Burton directed Alice in Wonderland, while still creepy, looks amazing!

video

I can't wait to see it despite the fact that the Disney version scarred me for life.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Pain Killers.....

...and Gravol do not a sleeping-potion make. Contrary to popular belief.

I gave the boy a Gravol & a pain killer this morning after he complained he hadn't slept well. I would not recommend you do this. To yourself or anyone else. Do not self-medicate. It is irresponsible to combine drugs and especially unsafe to use them in a manner in which other than prescribed.

I went up to check on him before I left for work and he was lying in bed, eyes closed, smiling. He wasn't sleeping, as I had hoped, but he sure was stoned out of his cloud.

He never opened his eyes but as I shut the door I heard him mutter "You're a good girl". I'm not sure if he was talking to me or the dog.

I've had a number....

....of awkward instances of mistaken identity lately. You can read about two of them here:

http://discocowgirl.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-had-most-unsettling-day.html

Well, just last week I was starting my shift at the bar and one of the customers asked me if I still worked at the college. I was confused, because this customer is a regular and I would have assumed he'd know full well that I've never worked at the college. Even after I told him this, he insisted he'd seen me there a number of times.

Then, I had another "encounter" last night at the Wendy's drive-thru window (eat healthy y'all). I had just taken the food from the young girl at the window.

Wendy's employee: "Hey Beautiful."

Confused I looked at the boy assuming maybe he knew her. He looked back at me exactly as confused as I was.

Me: "Um....."
Wendy's employee: "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else."
Me: "Oh. Um, thanks anyways."

This is getting very bizarre. I don't like it, it's making me feel like I'm living in a parallel universe or something. Or maybe there is a girl who looks EXACTLY like me who has recently moved to town, hooked up with some guy at the bar, started a new job at the college and enjoy's eating Wendy's fast food on a regular basis. I have to find this girl. And tell her to BACK OFF.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Whatever happened to....

....the Bee Girl from Blind Melon's "No Rain" Video? Oddly enough, I have wondered this from time to time. Now, thanks to MSN Entertainment, I know the answer.



Andy Warhol once said that we all get 15 minutes of fame, but for actress Heather DeLoach it was more like four. As the 'Bee Girl' in Blind Melon's breakthrough music video for single "No Rain," DeLoach tap-danced her way to MTV history, launching the career of the grunge-rock era band in the process. DeLoach went on to have bit roles in movies and TV before eventually graduating from Cal State Fullerton with a degree in communications. Now 26, she still hopes to get the remaining 11 minutes owed to her and, as of 2008, was seeking representation.

If you are wondering what happened to some of the other not so memorable acts from the 1990's & early 00's...then have a look:

http://entertainment.ca.msn.com/music/photos/gallery.aspx?cp-documentid=22956793&page=1

Monday, December 14, 2009

I bought.....

....the cutest thing at Walmart this weekend. Doggie Booties! yeah, I know, you can make fun of me later. They were $11 so I couldn't afford to buy a set for all the dogs, I only got a pair for my smallest one. Plus the boy refused to allow me to even consider buying booties for his big, strong Boxer. But I tried. Even the ones I got for Lola, he won't refer to as "booties". He calls them her "work boots" so it doesn't sound so "flamboyant".

Anyways, these things look like mini-Uggs. They are brown with a little fur trim. See?



We took her for a walk last night and when we got home I lined them up along the heater to dry them out. And they looked so cute, it made me want to cry. Like I had a tiny 4-legged baby. (Ignore the creepiness that image conjurs up in your mind.)

(Speaking of Walmart, I also just realized that I was there 3 seperate times this weekend. That being said, my Walmart dependency is an issue to be dealt with another time.)

I just found out.....

....that one of my exes occassionally drops by to read my blog. Which wouldn't bother me if it wasn't for the fact that this guys was like the smartest person in the entire world. Like, crazy smart. I've always had this sneaking suspicion that if he ever discovered how dumb and immature I am he would have never dated me in the first place. I sure fooled him.

Well, joke's on me because just the thought of him reading the totally immature garbage I write here almost gave me a panic attack. Haha.

Um, now he will probably read this too. Awkward.

So...um...if you ARE reading this....and you are an ex of mine, this isn't about you. It's about someone else. Carry on everyone. Nothing to see here....

Sometimes I have to face the facts.....

....and accept that I just can't pull off red lipstick without looking like a tranny.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Another letter from Molly

Dear Boy Dogs,

Don't even try to act like you don't want to hit this.


Love,
Molly

I had the worst.....

....drive of my entire life yesterday. I'm not prone to exaggeration. Nor am I a nervous driver. I've driven 7 hours to Ottawa in the dead of winter, during a horrendous snowstorm in a beat up old Chevy Tracker that might as well have had a giant sail attached to it. All that to say that I found myself at a station event about 45 minutes away from home yesterday. The weather was horrible all day, so I waited as long as I could before deciding to take a run at it. Starting out it wasn't too bad, at least no worse than normal winter driving weather. See?



My boss had tried to convince me to stay put saying I could bunk in a local motel with a co-worker. But the idea of no change of clothes, conditioner, mousse or a toothbrush seemed much worse than an uncertain fate out on the treacherous roads. I know, I'm vain, and it was a dumb decision....but look, I have curly hair....applying product in the morning is a crucial part of my day.

Anyways...with this in mind, I pressed onward.



Now I'm starting to worry. I hear that the snow plows have been pulled off the roads. Most highways are being closed. Hence my white knuckling, stomache knotting, F-word spewing next hour and a half travelling down the highway at a painfully slow pace.



By now, I'm not even sure if I'm still on said highway.



But it's too late to turn back. I'm getting closer to home. Wait, is that another vehicle I can follow? A beacon of hope in this lonely dangerous wasteland? Or is that oncoming traffic?! GAH!



Anyways, since I'm writing this, I obviously made it home in one piece. A little frazzled, but nothing a glass of wine can't fix. And my hair looks great today.

I had a doctor's appointment.....

....on Wednesday to get a physical. The boy was kind enough to come with me to the doctor's clinic and wait in the lobby. I told him it should only be about 15-20 minutes. In & out. Um, literally. Instead the doctor seemed to forget about me and I waited for over an hour in a little room. Finally, I got dressed and made a dash for the waiting room. As I approached I could hear talking and laughing. It sounded almost as if a crowd had gathered....only to find the boy SURROUNDED by young women & girls, also awaiting their turn with the doctor. It seems the ladies had taken quite a shine to him and he took this opportunity to entertain them as he waited.

So guys, if you are looking to meet a nice young lady then try a Sexual Health Clinic Waiting Room. Hey, at least you know she's gonna be healthy.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Number of near falls so far today.....

.....3.

I ran into a little old lady as I came out of the coffee shop this morning and she asked me where she could find a certain address. As we walked across the street together I told her to be careful, it was very slippery. I kept my arm poised helpfully near hers in case she needed help. Then the gods decided it was time for a little fun & games, as no sooner were the words out of my mouth then I slipped, almost going down in the middle of the slushy street while holding 2 piping hot coffees. Instead I did what any respectful woman would do. I grabbed a hold of that old woman's arm and was fully prepared to take her down with me.

I'm not a horrible person. Call it strong survival instinct.

Anyways, moving on......

I used to own these boots - they were like knock off Uggs that I just got to get me from point A to point B in the snow. Unfortunately they were so cheap (I'm talking like $10 on the clearance table) that the manufacturers didn't bother to put ANY tread on the soles of these boots. I mean NONE. The soles were slick as seals. Not only did these boots provide no traction is there was ANY accumulation of snow on the ground, they actually CAUSED me to fall each and everytime I stepped outside. Again and again. My sister-in-law made fun of me until I made her try them on. From then on, she named them my "Danger Boots".

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

As a radio person....

...I am supposed to DREAD snowdays. Most announcers & newsies do. And with good reason. All the creativity is sapped from your show. There is no casual conversation, no originality, no personality. You are reduced to a frazzled, phone-answering, note-taking, weather-reporting, cancellation-reading mess. People don't understand that it would be so much quicker for them to contact the 8 other members of the Bognor Ladies Bi-Weekly Bingo League (for example) than for us to announce it over the air with 800 other cancellations. But it's a rush. And the day goes by fast. So I try to look on the bright side.

Anyways, the snow has FINALLY arrived in Owen Sound. We've had it for just less than a week now and I love it.



I accidentally took this photo in black & white. And through a screen. I don't get outside much to actually enjoy the snow, what with being cooped up in a studio all day. Otherwise I would have posted a much lovelier landcsape-type photo...anyways....

We are expecting up to 45 centimetres of snow in the next 3 days.
Have a look see for yourself, courtesy of Environment Canada:

Wednesday: Snow and local blowing snow changing to rain showers in the morning then to flurries in the evening. Snowfall amount 5 to 10 cm. Wind southeast 40 km/h gusting to 60 becoming southwest 30 gusting to 50 near noon then increasing to 50 gusting to 70 late in the day. High plus 3.

Thursday: Flurries and snow squalls. Blowing snow. Windy. Up to 15 cm. Low minus 2. High minus 2.

Friday: Flurries and snow squalls. Up to 15 cm in some areas. Blowing snow. Windy. Low minus 7. High minus 4.

Bring it on winter.

This is precisely.....

...what I would wear if I were going to be meeting the Queen. I love that Lady Gaga here does her best to look like the crazy/creepy/terrifying Queen from Alice in Wonderland while she meets the REAL Queen.



And I love the completely awkward and uncomfortable expression on the guy behind her. "Eeeeeeeeee....."

Monday, December 7, 2009

I'm almost ready....

....for Christmas. The lights are up on the house.



I did that myself! Our tree has been up and decorated for weeks. I've decorated the inside of the house too. Christmas cards are written & ready to be mailed. Shopping started...

But the best part is, I got the god-forsaken Christmas Cookie Exchange cookies done. 4 dozen shortbread. Don't tell the other women in the cookie exchange, but I don't think they taste right. I used my grandma's recipe (she makes the BEST shortbread), which I found out is avtually my great grandmother's recipe. I started out feeling all warm & fuzzy & Christmassy, knowing that I was cooking a recipe that had been in my family for so long. That feeling didn't last very long when I realized the "baking gene" seems to have skipped a generation. It's too late to re-do them. We have to have them in tomorrow.



The boy offered to try one and promised he would give me an honest opinion. He said they tasted exactly how shortbread should taste....but then as I walked away I saw him break up the remaining half cookie and feed it to the dogs. Sigh.

Ladies, let me tell you, cookies are NOT worth fighting over with your significant other. This is a lesson I learned yesterday when I was verging on tears because of my failed recipe.

Boy: "Don't get upset. You say every year you aren't going to sign up for this thing and every year you do."
Me: "Stop yelling at me, you aren't making the situation any better!"
Boy: "I'm not yelling. But you should have just made the peanut butter cookies like I said."
Me: "ENOUGH WITH THE F***ING PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES ALL THE TIME!!!!"

To make myself feel better I also whipped up a dozen banana chocolate chip muffins and they turned out AMAZING. That's right. I made over 5-dozen baked goods yesterday. Suck on that Suzy Homemaker.

I had the most unsettling day...

....on Saturday. Here are three things two occured that made me feel like I was in a dream.

1. The boy & I went to the bar on Saturday afternoon for a surprise 50th birthday party. When I wakled into the bar there was a table of 4 guys in one corner. One of the guys said hello.

Me: Hello (as I keep walking)
Him: You don't remember me?
Me: Are you talking to me? (thinking maybe he was talking to the boy)
Him: Yeah.....you really don't remember me?
Me: (As I walk closer to see who he is) Um....no.
Him: (Looking at all his friends for backup) I can't BELIEVE you don't remember me...you don't remember....you know.....
Me: I don't think I'm the person you're thinking of.

At this point I started worrying that maybe the boy was going to think the worst and punch this guy in the face. Instead he just walked away. Phew.

Him: Guys, you remember this girl right? That's her right? (He says to his friends)
Me: I'm definitely not "her".

Anyways, I still never figured out who this guy was or who he thought I was. But it was super awkward. Then, to make my day even more strange....I had to work at the bar that night. This other guy comes in (I knew this guys though).

Him: Thanks for the flowers.
Me: Huh?
Him: The flowers....that was nice of you.
Me: What flowers?
Him: Oh, maybe I'm not supposed to say anything.

WHAT THE HELL.

Anywho.....more bizarre than that; I actually cut someone off that night for being gassy. It was gross.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Signing off for the weekend.....

....hopefully you enjoy your weekend as much as these guys clearly enjoy theirs.



Talk to you Monday!

If you really hate someone.....

....but have to pretend to like them, let me suggest a couple of ideas to make Christmas shopping for them easier.

Here are two of the worst gifts to buy that awful someone....

Option A: The Creepy Gift



Sometimes, you need a hug. But if there's not a live person around, your options are limited, and almost always pretty creepy. Luckily, ThinkGeek.com has what it thinks is the answer. The Beating Heart Pillow is big and soft and cuddly and reproduces the sound and feel of a beating human heart. Available in a 10-inch model for US$34.99 and a 15-inch models for US$49.99, depending on how big your emotional hole is.

Option B: The Annoying Gift



One of the most truly passive-aggressive products ever marketed, the Flying Alarm Clock may be the most convoluted of evil gifts. At a preset time, the Flying Alarm Clock lets out an ear-piercing shriek, while simultaneously launching a little plastic helicopter thingy at the ceiling. The alarm will not stop until the projectile is found and reinserted into the top of the clock. Available from ThinkGeek.com for US$24.99, it's the perfect gift for anyone who you want to hate you forever.

This is our cat....

....Angus. There is something wrong with his mouth and it doesn't close all the way and sometimes his tongue hangs out.



Especially when he's getting sleepy.



He's not slow or anything. Just special.

I'm not ashamed to admit it....

.....yesterday I went up to Zehr's here in town. Now I wasn't there to shop. To tell you the truth I was there to spy on the competition. Another radio station was doing an event I dropped by to do gather some undercover intel. While I was there though we noticed this couple at the dumpster, loading furniture into the back of a pick up. They basically cleaned house but when they left we went over to check it out and got this amazing wooden table that had been used in the store during renovations. I'm not ashamed to admit I spent time dumpster diving at Zehr's. I am also the first one up on Saturday morning when I should be sleeping off a bit of red wine, just so I can hit up the yard sales. Flea markets are heaven. but the best day of all is Giveaway Day. Twice a year it's like Christmas as I crawl the curbs looking for free crap. The next one is coming up in 7 months. Start the countdown.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Don't Worry, Be Happy

I thought Bobby McFerrin was dead. I mean, I don't consciously think about him often, but something made me think of him today. So I looked him up on Wikipedia. He's alive. Fortunately he's got no plans to release more music.

There you go.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I had to work at the bar last night....

...and when I came home I saw the cutest thing ever.



I proceeded to take dozens of photos, all the while hoping they wouldn't move and ruin the cuteness. Lola was totally unimpressed though and made it clear she would rather I hadn't woken her up in the first place.



She can be such a prima donna sometimes.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I just went into.....

...the washroom at work and noticed that I have sparkles all over my chest. I bought new Christmas ornaments and I must have somehow transferred the sparkles to my neck & chest after handling them this morning. (I mean after handling the ornaments, not handling my chest.) I didn't notice until a few moments ago and I'm very worried that my co-workers now think that I intentionally sparkled up my chest, stripper style. Ugh.