It should come....

....as no surprise to anyone that a solid, well-rounded adult probably had a fairly normal, happy childhood and adolescence. Here is a snapshot from my youth, circa 1992, followed by some choice comments from my nearest & dearest, who upon viewing this photo for the first time, were not shy in sharing their reactions. Please tell me you were in your "leonardo dicaprio - romeo" phase? - Former co-worker I think its adorable that you guys look like old-timey Amish sisters. - My Uncle ♫ Purple rain! Puuurrrple raaaain! ♫ - Close friend Wow. I think I am going to break up with you. - My Boyfriend Who's that hot androgynous guy in the puffy shirt? It's like The Cure meets Johnny from Catwalk. - Another close friend

How's that for Grim? Happy Monday.

I bridged the gap....

....between "productive/innovative" and "weird/sad" when I handmade a dog bed I saw on Pinterest this past weekend. And yes, I realize I am one step away from being someone who knits sweaters for cats. If you have ever wondered what your dog's depression expression would look like, I could make your pet a dog bed too so you could find out.

About 3 seconds....

.....in I realized the VHS copy of Dr. Doolittle 2 that we had picked up this past summer for Portia was in fact not very child-friendly after all. I may have just stumbled across one of the glaringly obvious drawbacks of garage sale purchases. On a sidenote....anyone need a VHS copy of Kaytel Video's "Lesbos"?

A "finger quotes" recap....

....of the weekend.

"We are so out of our league. I own pairs of underwear bigger than those girls shorts." Said to my co-worker upon getting our asses handed to us during a supposedly "non-competitive" volleyball tournament.

"Do you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice?" My friend Jenn, uppon hearing me recite the exact same speil, for the 11th time in a row, to a group of winners coming in the fron tdoor of the Superbowl party. Me, without hesitation:
"No."

"Oliver's gas smells like that of a million demons." A slightly incoherent, half asleep text to my brother after being awoken by a farting dog.

"Where were you this morning?"
"Um...work."
"What time did you go in at?"
"Seven. That's what time I start at now."
"Oh. You probably told me about this didn't you?"
Exchange between the Boy & I this morning which indicates we may need to improve our mad communication skillz.

"Take off your shirt!" A heckler at the Wiarton Willie festival. Unsure if this was directed at me, or my male co-worker.

Jay-Z just....

....released a beautfil song about his newborn daughter.

Way to make the rest of us no parents look lame and mediocre, buddy.

Here's the link if you want to hear it:

http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/hear-jay-zs-emotional-new-song-about-baby---featuring-blue-ivy-herself-201291

I texted my friend Jenn to tell her she should listen to it because.

Jenn: He sounds so soft, eh? He totally got me. Did it make you cry?
Me: No. because I don't have a heart. But it was still really sweet and made me jealous that some people are so talented. And mad that JR didn't compose a song when our daughter was born. He really dropped the ball on that one.

Sometimes it takes....

a full 24 hours for buyer's remorse to set in. I bought a yesterday. A shirt which I am now wearing. And god willing, I will be able to find the tags somewhere in the depths of my garbage can at home so I can return this hot mess of a shirt tonight.

I am so sick of.....

....Jessica Simpson striking this contrived pose.



Yeah, we get it. You're pregnant. Please stop cradling your belly like that.



Nobody stands that way. I know you are trying to act all casual, like you don't even notice what you are doing....FAIL.



Why can't she take a page of out Beyonce's pregnancy book and secretly give birth after only 7 days of being pregnant?