Today....

.....I am sunburnt within an inch of my life. The problem with getting sunburnt is that you aren't allowed to compalin about it. It's like a hangover. You've done it to yourself.

No one offers any sympathy. My mom scolded me and told me I probably have skin cancer. The boy got endless amusement out of my bizarre tan lines and said more times than was necessary "Well, I told you....."

This morning, as I lay on the couch, feeling as if me entire body was on fire, unable to move, covered from head to toe in globs of green, slimy first aid cooling gel, starting to blister, I looked at the boy and wailed, "I look like a monster!!"

"No honey....you look fine. Feel better ok? Have a good day Nessie."

Then he walked out the door.

Do you ever.,....

.....dream some super hot guy is totally hitting on you....then a few minutes later in the dream you turn around, or you open your eyes after fiercely making out with him, only to realize he has morphed into some ugly sketch bag?

This happened to me last night. I kept making out with him in my dream though. But I was pretty bummed out about it.

What an amazing....

....long weekend.

Friday night, the Pub reunion went over perfectly. It was so good to see everyone. Almost all the girls and all the regulars were able to make it. I didn't bring my camera out even once, which I'm sad about. Most o fmy guests are probably relieved.

I bailed by 12:30 and went to bed....leaving the boy to entertain the remaining crowd and clean up. I'm such a good hostess. Then I woke up Saturday, dreadfully hungover, and we hit the road for the 7 hour trip to Ottawa. We stopped at the cottage and got to visit with my grandparents. We helped them put the dock in which meant about 3 hours in the very chilly water. It was worth it though. Then onto Ottawa. Got to visit more family, enjoy numerous BBQ's, a boat ride, even a record setting quick visit (um, like 4 minutes) with an old friend.

In the span of 6 hours I went from pasty white.....



....to having the most awkward, tacky uneven sunburn ever.



Lola also felt the effects of the sun's harmful rays.

Here she is pre-boat ride:



I like to call that her Billy Idol look. See how her lip gets stuck in her teeth sometimes? It literally melts my heart. It's sick.

Anyways, if you ever wondered what a seasick dog looks like, you are about to find out.



And I realized that the boy may be many thing....but photogenic is not one of them.



We also went to the Super Loblaws. Coming from Owen Sound, where we do not have these types of things, it was like being at Disneyland. You could really tell I live in a small town. I was in awe. I got lost. I spent about 5 minutes in the bistro section, which overlooks the entire store, cazing in amazement at it's seemingly endless aisles of glory. I need to get out more. I wanted to take a picture bu tthe boy told me normal people don't do that sort of thing. Then he ran off to the baked goods area and left me to my own devices on the clothing section. Yes, clothing section. So we got our buns, and a sundress, and got the heck out of there before people realized there were outsiders in their midst.

Oh, and went went to Arby's. Not once but twice. The second time we spent $19. Just on the .99 cent value menu. You do the math.

I've written....

....about my grandma Marmy on here before. She is pretty much the cutest, best lady in the world.

I find everything about her adorable. From her teeny, tiny Red Hat socks.....



....to the fact that she cooked 24 hot dogs for dinner at the cottage on Saturday evening. There were 6 of us there.

I inherited.....

.....my father's height. His chin. His temper. His man hands (thanks dad).

Apparently, despite all this, it was too much to ask that I also inherit his skin tone. Allow me to demonstrate:

Just another incident....

.....to remind me that I will never be cool.

This morning, while in the drive thru at Tim Horton's, one of the boys exes pulled in behind me. Now, this isn't a problem. I get along with her just fine. I waved politely and continued waiting in line for my turn to order.

Then I heard a voice calling my name. It was the ex.

"Hey Jamie, did you put all those dents in that van?!".

I was driving my mother-in-laws van, which I adore. However a few years ago, while being driven by another family member, the van was involved in a minow, albeit unfortunate encounter with a median. This left a massive dent all down the driver's side panel.

I laughed it off, trying to appear unfazed and casual, difficult for me to pull off at the best of times, let alone when facing someone's ex.

Come on Jamie, keep things breezy and light. Laugh. Act cool.

So I made some attempt at a witty (i.e. lame) jab mocking the driving skills of the realtive who was responsible for the dents. (This is where karma rears it's ugly head. Read on.)

Atta girl.

I felt smugly satisfied with myself. For about 3 seconds.

Then, as I tried to navigate the ridiculously dangerous curve of the drive through lane while simultaneously fishing the exact change out of the wallet in my lap, my purse strap somehow became entangled in the steering wheel. It's when I attempted to pull it loose that things go catastrophically atrocious.

The drive through line continued to advance and I panicked. I tried to pull my purse loose while advancing slowly but something unespected happened. The wheel gathered up all the slack in the purse strap and I couldn't turn the wheel at all. But I was still advancing around the curve....and now, towards the wall of the building. I slammed on the brakes with less than an inch to spare. And now found the van and at awkward and impossibly manoevrable angle to the wall. As in, I wasn't going to be able to straighten myself out without an embarassing 13-point turn. But my entire purse was now coiled so tightly around the steering wheel column, I couldn't even budge. I put the van into park and spent what felt like an eternity trying to disengage it. All the while the woman at the drive through window is staring at me, wondering why I'm not moving forward to claim my order. The ex is still behind me, and with the angle I'm at, I'm sure she had a perfect view into the driver's seat of my van.

She would have been able to see the mangled fusion of purse with the steering column. She would have noticed that through the course of this mishap the activation of the turning signal, blinking maniacally, and just beyond my reach. She may have seen my panic and confusion as I slowly edged forward only to suddenly find myself heading at a relatively steady speed towards the brick wall. She probably saw my collected facade crumble as I realized what was happening. She probably saw the tears begin to form behind my aviator shades.

She may have seen the coins and pens receipts and lip gloss come spilling out of my open handbag as the steering wheel, seemingly possessed, oscillated wildly, sending the contents within spewing all over the interior.

I was holding everyone up. The cars in front of me had long ago pulled out into the street. The cars behind me began to bottleneck, probably wondering what I was doing. The woman at the window stared at me expectantly.....impatience creeping into her eyes. The ex behind me....oh god. Hadn't I just made a dumb crack about other people's driving abilities?? Please, no. Why did I do that?

After what seemed like hours, but was probably only a matter of seconds, I somehow managed to free my purse and throw it forcefully into the passenger seat beside me. I ungracefully maneuvered the van back on course and made the 7 foot drive of shame the remainder of the way through the drive thru.Mercifully the window attendant did not ask me if I was ok or what had happened. And I couldn't bring myself to look into the rearview mirror to see her. \

I wish I cold say I was making this up. Unfortunately it's just another example of karma giving me the equivalent of a sudden, rapid punch in the face.

I find it weird.....

.....when the same person constantly adds and then deletes me as a Facebook friend. Seriously, it's been like 4 times now. I barely know them. But now they are the Facebook equivalent of a crazy ex.