Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Have you ever....

.....seen that email that gets passed around entitled "The People of Walmart"? Well, essentially, it's random photos of people who have been snapped shopping at Walmart. Not just any people. The skiddiest of the skids. The most inner bred of the inbred.

Well, a co-worker had a good point this morning. Some of those poor people are probably actually very nice, normal, individuals who, under normal circumstances, would never leave the house like that. Maybe they were in their pajamas and suddenly realized they were out of bread or milk or Febreeze Noticeables or somehting important, and thought "Oh, I'll just pop over to Walmart, it's open late, and surely no one I know will be there at this time of night. Maybe I'll just not change out of these sweatpants and matching baby tee. I'll just be in and out."

Then, BAM, next day, their polyester encased body is rampantly being spread through the email accounts of North America.

Anyways, this very well could have happened to me last night. I lay on the couhc, my entire chest covered in about an inch of bright green goo (aloe vera gel), wearing a tube top and pajama pants. Suddenly the boy realized he was out of diabetic testing strips. HE asked me if I wanted to go for the drive with him. I reluctantly agreed, knowing he would do the same for me.

I should also mention that due to the severity of my sunbrun, I could not lift my arms. I asked the boy to put my hair into an elsatic for me, as my chest burned at even the slightest touch. Plus, I was tired of pulling long hair out of the goo on my chest.

Anyways, the boy look terrified. He's apparently never held a hair elastic in his entire life. He finally relented though and I left the house with a semi-side ponytail. That's right. Straight outta 1993. Anyways, I started to change into my jeans, but the boy pointed out that I could just go the way I was and wait for him in the car while he ran in. Besides, it's almost 10:30, it's dark, you're not going to see anyone you know.

You see where this is going right?

So my tube-topped, blister-covered, green-jelly-slathered, side-ponytail wearing self waited patiently in the car while the boy ran inside the pharmacy.

"Oh look...there's Jenn."

I slouched as low as I possibly could in the seat.

"What would she be doing out here at this time of night? Oh good, she didn't see me."


"Please don't let her run into JR inside."

Suddenly my eyes darted to a form approaching from the well lit aisles.....he headed for the exit.

"Oh god, he's holding the door for her."

Now they are talking.

"Don't let him point at me. Don't let him point at me."

He points at me.

Thinking quickly I reach over and flash the lights on & off once.

"There, that should suffice as a greeting. No need to come over to chat. She's probably in a rush anyways."

He points again. Then they start to walk over to the vehicle.

"You have got to be kidding me."

I'm hiked up my tube top, attempted to smoothed out my ridiculously askew ponytail, wiped the excess goo off my chest, and sighed. Of course. Only me.

Anyways, the next time I receive the People of Walmart forward, I will certainly think twice before sending it along to everyone in my contact list. And I will also briefly scan it through to ensure I'm not amongst the poor individuals featured in those photos.

1 comment:

Jess said...

I laughed soooo hard when I read this, I had a similar moment a few weeks ago lol minus the green goo! ;)