.....incapable of accepting change with any amount of dignity or maturity whatsoever. I am just ill equipped to handle anything new.
I gave my notice at the Pub this past weekend. And it broke my heart. I know, no one will fully understand. Everyone thinks I should be happy - I'll only have to work one job from now on. And I can get more than 3 hours of sleep a night. I can have my weekends to myself. And not have to deal with the nonsense that sometimes accompanies any bartending job. But it's more than that. That place has been a second home for me since shortly after I moved to this town. It's been a part of my social and personal life for the last 7 years. The regulars are like family. And the other girls are even more like family. We fight like sisters. Worse than sisters even because we've all got such attitude problems (myself included. And I use the term "attitude problems" affectionately!). But at the same time I would trust any of them to back me under the toughest of circumstances.
When our "mom"/manager gave her notice a few weeks ago I knew from then on everything would be different. Not necessarily worse, because I don't know what is going to happen. Just different. And I'm a giant wuss. I've had severe anxiety for the last 2 days. My stomache is in knots. Certainly not the weight-off-my-shoulders- feeling I thought I was going to experience after I handed in my notice. I'm worried about how things may change even more. I'm worried about missing out on the fun. I'm worried that after years of having to give up my weekends to work, I now won't know what to do with myself.
Basically, I've really got to get it together!